


First Comes Love

by tellthenight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bachelor Party, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Weddings, pining!dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8020297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas Novak planned to never see his ex Balthazar again, but when his sister Anna gets engaged to Balthazar’s brother their wedding means an unavoidable face-to-face that Cas isn’t ready to have.</p><p>Dean Winchester is moving to Massachusetts soon after the wedding to further his education and get one step closer to his dream job. It means leaving his brother Sam and best friend Cas behind, but they both tell him to go- it’s about time he pursued his own dreams.</p><p>When Cas confides in Dean about the situation with Balthazar and the added stress of showing up at another family function ALONE, Dean offers to go along. He’ll happily keep Balthazar and any concerned family members off Cas’s back, and one last road trip together sounds like a blast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will update every 1-2 weeks. My school/work load is much heavier this semester than it's been in the past while I was posting long fics, so I'm being conservative. Expect a new chapter every 2 weeks, but I will try to update weekly if I'm able. 
> 
> I'll update tags as I write, but if you think I missed tagging something please let me know.
> 
> I'm estimating 10 chapters but we'll see... I'll let you know when I'm 3 chapters or so from the end.

“Started without me?” Dean asked above the din of the Friday night bar crowd.

Cas twisted in the booth to see Dean walking up with a wide smile on his face. The faded flannel under Dean’s leather jacket was warm and familiar, and for a moment Cas thought everything would be okay.

He’d shown up so early that their favorite table in the back corner was empty. When they first started going there Dean had claimed that that particular booth was perfect: right next to the pool tables and close to the bar but far enough away from the TVs that blared sports games to have an actual conversation. It was a dive, but it was their dive.

Dean’s smile faded when he looked Cas up and down, and Cas remembered why he’d left work early. He knew exactly what Dean saw and he agreed with Dean’s assessment.

“For real?” Dean asked, eyebrows raised. “How many have you had?”

“A couple shots or something. It’s that kind of day,” Cas waved him away, but Dean scoffed and tapped Cas’s shoulder to get him to move over.

“That kind of day, huh?” Dean slid into the space Cas had vacated and their knees bumped. Cas knew he should make more room on the cracked vinyl bench, but moving farther seemed impossible.

“You want to tell me now or wait ‘til everyone else gets here?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. There was no point in waiting. Dean could succinctly catch them up while Cas drowned himself in booze. “Anna’s getting married.”

“That’s great. When?”

“Six weeks. She’s… I don’t know. She said being engaged for a year is ridiculous? And she wants a spring wedding, so it’s April this year and not next year.”

Dean laughed and snagged Cas’s beer. “I thought weddings couldn’t be planned that quick.” He took a drink.

Cas shrugged again. “Hell if I know.”

Dean’s looked up, attention drawn to the front entrance where Sam and Jo looked for them.

“There they are,” Dean said, and slid back out of the booth to flag them down. He clapped Sam on the back and smiled and nodded at Jo. “Hey, guys. I’ve got first round.”

“Wait until Carmen gets here,” Jo said. “You’re supposed to impress her with your generosity when you buy the first round.”

“Hey--I thought this was a casual thing,” Dean said. “Now you have me trying to impress her?”

“You’ll get along great,” Jo insisted.

“Yeah, well, she gets me as I am. I’m not doing anything special.” Dean took his place next to Cas while Sam and Jo took off their coats and settled in the booth opposite from them.

“What’s up with you?” Sam asked Cas. “You look like hell.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Sam.”

“Come on, Cas--I didn’t mean it like that. Bad day?” Sam asked.

Cas glanced at Dean before he looked at Sam and Jo. “Uh, Anna’s getting married,” he said. “To Michael.” He took his pint back from Dean, but didn’t drink.

“Who’s Michael?” Sam asked.

“Balthazar’s brother,” Dean said softly. He slung an arm around Cas’s shoulders. “Maybe he won’t be there.”

“He’ll fucking be there. He’ll be there with some famous handsome actor or… or married.” Cas banged his mug against the table, sloshing beer over the sides.

“Jesus, Cas. Calm down,” Dean said.

“And I can’t keep showing up for family events without a date. I have to get a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. or-”

“Okay, when the gay guy starts saying he needs a girlfriend he gets cut off,” Dean said, sliding Cas’s beer over to Sam. Cas grabbed after it in a half-hearted attempt, but slumped back. Dean’s arm was warm around him and Cas let his head hit the top of the booth. He could always count on Dean to take his side.

“What am I gonna do?” he asked.

“First of all stop giving a shit about Balthazar,” Jo said.

“Like you stopped giving a shit about Ash?” Dean shot back, and Jo narrowed her eyes at him.

“Dude,” Sam gave his brother a warning look and Cas laughed easy and loose.

“Sorry, but I thought we were the kind of people who take it easy on our drunk friends,” Dean said.

“You cut him out of your life for a reason, Cas,” Sam said a little more gently.

“I know, I know. I just…” Cas’s words blurred and he leaned forward, elbows on the table, hands covering his face. “He’s… he was the one and I blew it all up and…” Cas squeezed his eyes closed. He didn’t want to cry or think or _be_ anymore.

“You wanna just go?” Dean leaned in and kept his voice low. “Let me take you home.”

Cas didn’t remember saying yes, but when he looked up Dean was standing, holding his hand out to him. Cas slid over and took his hand, grateful for the stability once he tried to stand on his own two feet.

“Tell that Carmen chick I’ll catch her another time and I’m sorry I missed meeting her,” Dean said to someone over his shoulder.

Cas kept his eyes open long enough to navigate out to the Impala, but as soon as he was buckled in and the door closed he leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes.

He heard Dean sigh. The lecture was coming. _Three, two, one…_ “I’m taking you to my place so I can keep an eye on you tonight,” Dean said.

“I’m fine,” Cas insisted.

“We both know that’s not true. Don’t puke in my car.”

When they got to Dean’s building Dean jumped out and jogged around to Cas’s side before Cas could figure out how to unbuckle his seatbelt. He pulled Cas’s arm around his neck and held him firmly at the waist. Cas didn’t argue. He didn’t have the energy to hold himself together.

Inside Dean shuffled Cas through the cramped living room and past the tiny kitchen before they reached his bedroom. When they reached the neatly made bed Dean sat him down before pulling his trench coat off one arm at a time.

“Don’t give me your bed,” Cas said as he watched Dean kneel down to deal with untying shoes next. “Put me on the couch.”

“It’s a big bed and I’m pretty sure I learned how to share back in kindergarten.”

“Dean,” Cas said and Dean looked up at him, lips pursed.

“What, Cas?” There were probably a thousand other things Dean could have said right then out of exasperation, but Cas was grateful that he’d gone easy.

“Don’t do this. Don’t--don’t be nice to me,” Cas said. “I’m--I’m not-“

“You’re my best friend, and you’re sad, so you’re staying here.” Dean tossed Cas’s shoes in the corner. “You want something to change into or you gonna sleep in the suit?”

“I’ll change.”

Dean pulled a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt out of his dresser while Cas tried to work the button at the top of his shirt. His arms were heavy and his fingers dull. He managed two before Dean stepped in.

“Let me do that,” Dean said, and made quick work of it while Cas watched his face. The end of Dean’s tongue poked out as he concentrated on his task and Cas shook his head. He didn’t deserve the help, but that’s who Dean was--loyal to a fault.

“You’re so patient,” Cas said. His tongue was slow too.

“Cut that bullshit out right now,” Dean said, but he smiled. “Arms up.” He slid the t-shirt down Cas’s arms and over his head. “Pants off, buddy.”

Cas fumbled with the belt, button, and zipper, but Dean helped him stand when he finished and they dropped to his ankles.

Dean handed him the sweatpants and frowned. “You doing okay?”

“I need another drink.” Cas said as he sat down to stab his feet into the pants Dean had provided.

“I can do that,” Dean said. He waited until Cas got the pants all the way up and pulled the covers back before he left the room. Cas laid down with a thud, head swimming.

He hadn’t heard from Balthazar in almost a year, and everyone he knew very carefully never brought him up. What had started as a fling turned into a whirlwind and then a relationship out of nowhere. They were living together inside of two months.

It was Cas’s fault. If he’d kept his big mouth shut their relationship wouldn’t have come to an explosive end. Dean had come as soon as Cas called to help him clear out his things. Dean had parked Cas’s stuff at his own apartment and Cas stayed with him and Sam until he found his own place.

“Here you go,” Dean said. Cas looked up at the Gatorade in Dean’s hand.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said.

Dean grinned. “You’ll thank me later. Drink some.”

Cas sat up, and took the bottle. He drank while Dean went into the bathroom and returned with a trashcan. He dropped it next to Cas’s side of the bed.

“If you’re going to puke it goes here if you can’t make it to the bathroom.”

“I’ll do my best,” Cas offered. He took another drink and tried to screw the lid back in place but it wouldn’t work. Dean took it from him, fixed the lid and set it on the nightstand. He sat next to Cas on the side of the bed and bumped their shoulders together.

“Is it really that bad?” Dean asked softly.

 _Yes_ , Cas’s brain said emphatically. If he saw Balthazar he’d beg for him to come back even though they wanted very different things. He didn’t want to be alone anymore—but Dean didn’t need to know any of that.

“I don’t want to see him,” Cas said.

“You regret sending him packing?”

Cas shook his head and the room tilted. He grabbed Dean’s knee and closed his eyes until everything resettled. “I don’t regret it. I just—I’ll see him again, and we’ll get a drink and I’ll remember all the good times and… I miss being with someone.”

“You wouldn’t be happy with him, Cas.”

“I know.” Cas laid down on his side and the bed creaked when Dean got up. He tucked the blankets in around Cas and turned out the lights. Cas heard the rough slide of dresser drawers as Dean changed in the dark. The bed sagged when he got in on the other side.

Maybe Cas wouldn’t be happy with Balthazar, but at least he wouldn’t be lonely.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said.

“Yeah.”

“Let me go with you to the wedding.”

“Dean, you don’t have to do that.”

“I’m happy to be your Balthazar buffer. I’ll keep him from talking to you and you won’t be dateless for your family.”

“Most of them have met you before, Dean. We’re not going to fool anyone into thinking we’re dating.”

“It’s not about fooling them into anything. It’ll let them know you’re not alone, you know? You’ve got friends and I’m here for you, Cas. Built in Balthazar protection.”

Cas chuckled. “I’ll ask Anna.”

“Tell Anna you need me.”

“I’m a grown man. I can do things on my own.”

Dean laughed. “Nothing wrong with letting someone have your back once in awhile, Cas.”

“What am I supposed to do when you move to Cambridge?” Cas asked, expecting Dean’s glib answer to come right away. He turned his head toward Dean. It was too dark to really see him, but Cas caught the faint line of Dean’s nose pointed at the ceiling.

“I don’t know--come with me?” Dean asked.

“My job is here.”

“I was kidding.” Dean sounded tired. “Can we not talk about this while you’re drunk?”

Cas sighed and rolled to his side. It wasn’t like they’d talk about it any other time. Might as well not talk about it now either.

 

###

 

Cas woke slowly. His head pounded, but only if he moved. He lay still, eyes closed as he willed his head to stop.

Fingers twitched against his arm and Cas’s eyes popped open. The previous night was foggy, but not “forgot I had a hookup” foggy. He thought he remembered getting in the Impala with Dean, but maybe it was one of the other thousand times he’d gotten in that car.

He slowly turned to look. Dean’s forehead was only inches away from Cas’s chin and a little puff of humid air hit Cas’s shoulder with every exhale. His hand had a loose hold on Cas’s arm and his knee pressed against Cas’s leg. Cas sighed and his heart slowed to a reasonable rate in his chest as some details from the previous night returned: Dean helping him change, Dean getting him into bed, Dean taking the other side of the bed.

Cas was going to miss him.

The pounding in Cas’s head picked up again and he rolled onto his side away from Dean. He closed his eyes and pressed his face deeper into the pillow chasing more sleep. He didn’t plan to spend his hangover thinking about Dean leaving. Or Dean period. A few years earlier he’d thought something might happen between them. Before Benny and Balthazar showed up they might have had a chance, but that door had closed. They were as close as friends could be and that was all Cas needed.

Dean breathed in sharply and the bed shifted. Cas kept his eyes shut when he felt Dean lean over him. Everything was still for a moment and then the blankets Cas had pushed down at some point in the night were yanked back up to his shoulder. Dean fussed with the blanket, making sure it covered Cas. He had a gentle hold on Cas’s shoulder while he straightened the sheet, but then Dean went still and Cas almost spoke up.

Dean squeezed Cas’s shoulder and let his hand trail down to Cas’s elbow before he got out of bed. Cas kept his eyes closed while Dean padded from his side of the bed to the bathroom.

Dean always took care of him when he couldn’t take care of himself. After a few minor breakups and the big one with Balthazar, the crisis Cas had gone through in the middle of his senior year when he swore there was no way on earth he was going to make it to graduation, after big fights with his mother--Dean got him back on his feet every time.

That was Dean’s role in many people’s lives and everything would change once Dean was gone. There was something magnetic about him that had drawn them all together. Maybe they’d drift apart without Dean at their core.

By the time Dean came back from the bathroom Cas had almost fallen asleep again, but he opened his eyes when Dean set a cup on the nightstand.

“Hey, man. I got aspirin and water for you,” Dean said softly.

Cas took it from him and swallowed obediently. He lay back against the pillow. “Thanks,” he said.

“Try to sleep off as much as you can,” Dean said, and then he was gone, pulling the bedroom door closed with a soft click.

When Cas finally ventured out of bed a few hours later, Jo and Sam were playing Xbox in the living room. Jo sat on Dean’s ancient couch with her knees spread wide and Sam sat on the floor in front of her. Sam’s legs covered the full distance from the couch to the TV. A row of cabinets topped with cheap laminate counters divided the kitchen from the living room under the pretense that the space was indeed two rooms. The living room was full with the couch, TV and dining table, and the galley kitchen couldn’t handle more than one person at a time.

Dean pored over textbooks and papers spread out on the small table pressed into the last empty corner of the room. The bookcase next to him was a mix of stacked textbooks, fiction, and abandoned binders packed full from previous classes. He didn’t notice when Cas stepped into the room,

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty!” Jo called purposely bright and loud. Cas winced, and she grinned.

“There’s sandwich stuff in the fridge,” Dean said. “I don’t know if you feel like eating yet.”

Cas went to the cabinet for a glass and filled it at the kitchen faucet. “Do you have plans for the day?” His own voice grated on his ears.

“I’m almost finished with this bullshit assignment, and then after that--no.” Dean grinned at him.

“Can you take me to get my car?”

“It’s outside,” Sam said. “I drove it back this morning.”

Cas raised a hand in thanks. Talking seemed to vibrate in his skull.

“You picked a hell of a way to start the weekend,” Dean said.

“I learned from the best,” Cas said, raising his glass in a mock toast.

Jo shook her head. “You boys ruined him.”

Dean laughed. “Improved him, you mean. When we first met he had the most enormous stick up his ass.”

“Okay, okay. I’m right here, fucker,” Cas said.

“See? He swears now.” Sam laughed when Jo hit him on the shoulder. He caught her wrist and pulled her close enough for a kiss. She shook her head at him, but smiled and let him catch her.

“Cut that out. Cas is already queasy,” Dean said.

“Don’t hide behind Cas,” Sam said.

“Hide behind-” Dean laughed. “I’m not hiding behind anyone. I’m just saying maybe we don’t all need to see your gross displays of affection.”

“I’ll show you gross, Winchester,” Jo started to pull Sam back to her and Dean waved both arms over his head.

“Woah, woah, woah!” Dean called. “If it’s gonna be like that take it back to your place, Harvelle.”

Jo made eyes at Sam and then smiled sweetly at Dean. “Sure thing, boss.”

Dean groaned as they headed to the door. “Don’t call me boss like that!” he called, but Sam and Jo were already out in the hall laughing and Sam slammed the door behind them.

“Still not used to that whole thing,” Dean mumbled.

Cas sat in the chair next to him at the little table. “They’re good together.”

“”She’s practically our sister.”

“To you, maybe, but I don’t think Sam has ever felt that way.”

Dean faked a shiver. “It’s weird.”

“It’s been three months. You should probably get used to it.” Cas folded his arms on the table and laid his head down. If he could just hold still maybe his head would settle.

“When they break up it’s going to get weird between me and Ellen.”

“You won’t be working for her much longer.”

Dean didn’t say anything, and when Cas lifted his head. Dean was staring at him, brow furrowed and mouth set in a firm line.

“What?” Cas asked.

“You told me to go, you know.”

Cas straightened up. When Dean spoke that calmly it masked a mighty storm whirling in his head. “I did. It’s a great opportunity,” Cas said.

“And Sam told me to go.”

“Because you absolutely should!” Cas insisted.

Dean shook his head. “Then you two need to stop pointing out that I’m leaving soon.”

“Dean, I-” Cas started. Dean’s expression flattened and Cas stopped himself from finishing that sentence. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I want you to go, and if you talk to Sam he’ll say the same thing,”

Dean looked back down at his worked and jotted something down before he dropped his pencil on the stack. “You up for getting something to eat?”

“I don’t have any clothes with me.”

“I have more than one outfit,” Dean said.  “And we’re basically the same size.”

Cas rolled his eyes and the motion cost him dearly. Dean laughed and cuffed him on the shoulder as he walked past. “Follow me.”

Cas accepted a stack of clothes from Dean and took them into the bathroom. He wiggled the knob into the tiny sliver of space that promised hot water, and hoped his memory was correct. He stripped quickly and stepped under the water.

If he took Dean with him to the wedding they could turn it into something bigger. Taking Dean meant driving instead of flying, and they hadn’t been on a roadtrip in a while. It could be their last one together--at least until Dean moved back.

If he came back.

Cas finished quickly and dried himself before dressing in Dean’s clothes. It all smelled like Dean and for a minute Cas thought he’d cry. He blinked rapidly to get himself under control. Dean was going away for all the right reasons, and Cas knew he had to let him go, but there wasn’t a single part of him that wanted that to happen.

Cas was selfish, and he wished just this one time that he could have what he wanted.

He collected the dirty clothes from the floor and dropped them into Dean’s hamper on the way into the bedroom. Dean was sitting on the end of the made bed, tying his boots. A neat little bag took up the space on the corner.

“I put some of your clothes in there.” Dean nodded toward the bag. “Your suit and trenchcoat are hanging in the closet.”

“Thank you,” Cas said. He took the bag off the end of the bed before going to Dean’s closet. Cas slid his things from the hangers and draped them over one arm.

“You ready?” Dean asked.

“If you are,” Cas said.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas raced up the stairs to Dean’s apartment. He got out of work late, and by the time he got home to change there was no way he was going to make it in time. He’d texted, but Dean hadn’t sent anything back.

Andrea’s distinct laugh rose above Dean’s before Cas reached the door. Good thing the neighbors didn’t seem to care about the noise. Cas knocked on the door before turning the handle and sweeping the door open.

There were cardboard boxes everywhere. Many of them were open, but a few had been sealed with packing tape and labeled in Dean’s neat uppercase. There was nothing left on the walls, and with the DVDs and books being packed up it left the remaining furniture skeletal.

Seeing Dean’s apartment in pieces like that made Cas wanted to turn around and run back the way he’d come.

“Hey, Cas. I was starting to wonder if you were gonna show,” Dean said with a grin. He took a stack of textbooks off the bookcase. “At least you beat Sam and Jo.”

Cas faked a smile. “I’m sorry, Dean. I had to finish up some things at work in order to leave for the wedding tomorrow and-”

Dean shook his head, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “No, don’t worry man. I was just kidding.”

“Does that mean we can order pizza now?” Benny asked from his place on the floor. He was pulling short stacks of DVDs off the shelves of the TV cabinet and handing them to Andrea. Andrea tucked them neatly into the open cardboard box in front of her.

“Sure,” Dean said. “Whatever you guys want. Sam and Jo will just have to deal.”

While they discussed ideal pizza toppings Cas went into the kitchen. Some of the dishes were on the counter with a sticky note labeling them Sam’s. Cas opened each cupboard, and they were essentially bare aside from a box of cereal and a couple cans stacked in one corner.

“You need any help in here?” Cas asked.

“Sure,” Dean said. “If you want to put Sam’s stuff in a box with his name on it you can take it back to your place tonight.”

“Of course.”

“Empty boxes are over there.” Dean pointed to a corner and Cas circled the kitchen counter to reach them. He pulled two boxes off the top and went back for the items labeled for Sam.

Cas had offered Sam a place to stay after Dean announced his move to Cambridge to continue his education. They already knew they made good roommates after Cas’s months on the Winchester couch, and Sam needed a place. They had to stick together once Dean was gone.

“You ready to go tomorrow or you have more work to get done tonight?” Dean asked from across the room.

“Work is done, but I haven’t packed,” Cas said. “Don’t let me forget my dress shoes in the morning.”

“Dress shoes. Got it.” Dean reached up to the highest shelf and pulled down a hefty stack of thick text books. Cas watched him leaf through each book in turn and pull out random slips of paper. He sorted the books into separate boxes then turned back for more, grey t-shirt pulling tight over his shoulders.

“So, Dean said the wedding is a big four day event,” Andrea said.

“Unfortunately yes,” Cas said. “That would be my mother’s doing. Anna insisted on getting married quickly so my mother insisted on several things of her own.”

“When is the dinner thing tomorrow?” Dean asked. “How early do we need to leave?”

“Early. Dinner is officially at seven, but it would be better if we could arrive earlier.”

“So, say two stops for food, bathroom, whatever and the ten hour drive means we need to leave by what--seven?”

Cas shrugged. “That seems about right. Although with your driving we’ll probably get there by four.’”

“Hey-” Dean pointed his finger at Cas playfully. “When Baby and I head out on the open road, there ain’t a speed limit around that can stop us.”

Benny scoffed. “How about the cops?”

“Well, that’s a different story,” Dean said with a laugh.

Cas turned his back on the room and filled both kitchen boxes while Benny called for pizza and Andrea taped the box of DVDs closed. Cas dutifully labeled the boxes of dishes for Sam and set them next to the door so he wouldn’t forget to take them home.

“What do you want me to do now?” Cas asked.

“You can help me with books.” Dean grinned. “I’ll do the packing, you do the carrying.” Dean wagged his eyebrows, and Cas laughed as he walked over and inspected Dean’s work.

“Absolutely not,” Cas said. “How are you taking all this with you?”

“I’m not. Most of the books are going to live with you and Sammy.”

“Wait a second,” Cas started, but Dean shushed him.

“You offered to keep some of my stuff.”

“Yeah, but not the heaviest things you own,” Cas said.

Dean slung his arm around Cas’s shoulders and turned on his brilliant smile. “Oh, come on, Cas. Help a guy out.”

The sparkle in Dean’s eye told Cas he was really trying to sell the idea, and Cas rolled his eyes. “Okay. Whatever. I’ll take your stray books.”

Dean clapped him twice on the back. “I knew you’d give them a good home, Cas.”

The door opened in a rush and Sam came in, slamming it behind him. “Sorry I’m late,” he mumbled, then went back to his room, closing that door just as hard.

“Shit.” Dean said softly. His arm slid from Cas’s shoulders and he went after his brother. He rapped lightly on the door before he announced himself. “Sam, you want to talk?”

“No!” Sam called.

Dean’s shoulders slumped forward and he waited at Sam’s door for a few more seconds before returning to the bookcase. Both Benny and Andrea twisted around to look at Dean.

“What was that about?” Benny asked.

“Him and Jo were having a pretty serious argument when I got home yesterday.” Dean started pulling books down again and handed them to Cas. “I didn’t hear much and they stopped when I walked in, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that had something to do with it.”

“First big fight, you think?” Andrea asked.

“Maybe,” Dean said. He looked at the bookcase then at Cas. “How about you get everything down and put it on the table so I can sort what’s staying and what’s going.”

“Sure,” Cas agreed amiably. They switched places, shuffling past each other in the limited space. Dean sat at the table and started going through the stack he’d put down before he went after Sam. He sorted the books into the correct boxes quickly, then looked expectantly at Cas. Cas retrieved more from the bookcase for him, and they established a rhythm, Dean sorting what Cas supplied. They worked quietly next to each other until Andrea stood with a sigh and stretched her back.

“What else, Winchester?” she asked.

“That’s good enough for tonight,” Dean said. “Pizza should be here soon. Thanks for the help.” He set a few more books in the box with a thud. “Think I’ll be able to lure Sasquatch out of his lair with a couple slices?”

“Probably depends on what you ordered,” Sam said from behind them. He faked a brief smile and pulled one of the dining room chairs out from the table, turning it around so he could sit on it backwards.

“You okay?” Dean asked. His voice was happy, but Cas caught the careful tone.

“Yeah,” Sam said.

“Jo coming over?” Dean asked.

Sam lowered his head. “No,” he muttered.

“More pizza for us then,” Dean teased, and the tension dropped out of Sam’s shoulders.

Cas cleared the last of the shelf he was working on and Dean held up a hand. “We’re done after this. I’ll finish when we get back from the wedding.”

“You might be too tired from all the wedding craziness,” Andrea said.

Dean laughed. “Maybe Cas will be, but I’m just tagging along.”

“You’re not gonna dance at the reception?”

“Well, that would be weird since I’m technically there with Cas.” Dean smiled up at him. “You want to dance with me, Cas?”

Cas shrugged. “I’ll probably have to dance with whichever bridesmaid Anna assigns me.”

“You could still save a dance for Dean,” Benny suggested.

He could. It was only fair--what with Dean taking time off work and away from classes just to go with him. He nodded at Dean. “Sure. I’ll make sure we get the chance.”

“So what all are you doing for this wedding extravaganza?” Andrea asked.

“You collecting ideas?” Dean asked, and he winked at Benny.

“Oh, she’s got plenty of ideas,” Benny said. “She don’t need no help there, brother.”

“Uh, dinner with my family Wednesday night, Thursday is the tux fittings and bachelor party that night, then--”

“Bachelor party, eh?” Sam grinned. “Is it a ‘playing poker guys night’ sort of bachelor party or a ‘strippers and booze’ kind of bachelor party?”

Everyone looked at Cas and his face went red. “I don’t actually know. Hopefully closer to the first one, but it depends on who planned it.”

“The wedding is on Saturday, right?” Andrea asked.

Cas cleared his throat. “Yes. Rehearsal dinner friday and wedding on saturday with the reception after. We’ll drive back on Sunday.”

“Cas is giving a speech at the rehearsal,” Dean said. He looked up at Cas. “Tell ‘em.”

Cas flushed, his cheeks prickling with heat. “I don’t really have much down for that yet.”

“The wedding is in four days!” Andrea said, incredulous.

“I have lots of time in the car tomorrow.”

“Aw, Cas,” Dean said, his voice suddenly sweet. “You asking me to write your speech for you?”

Cas laughed at that and relaxed. “Absolutely not. You’d fill it with terrible jokes and get us kicked out.”

“The wedding might be more fun that way.”

The buzzer went off at the door. Benny got up to answer, and then ended up going down a floor to retrieve the pizzas. Sam went to the kitchen and opened the cabinet doors to the bare cupboards.

“What the fuck are we supposed to use for plates if you packed them all?”

“Cool your jets, Panic Man.” Dean got up and followed his brother, pushing him aside to grab a pack of paper plates from a lower cabinet. “I got some paper plates to last until the move. Grab the beer in the fridge.”

Sam obeyed after Dean moved past him. By the time they had everything on the table Benny was back with the pizza. Boxes opened and closed, beer was passed around, and chairs moved into place.

“Hey, Cas. Take this one,” Dean said, standing and making his chair available to Cas.

“I’ll take the couch,” Cas said.

“Nah. Stay at the table. It’s nice having everyone around it.” Dean glanced at Sam, who had looked up at that comment. “Well, most everyone.”

Cas took the chair and Dean grinned wide, but something wasn’t quite right about the look. His eyes were sad in spite of the smile, and his gaze landed on each of them in turn. He looked at Cas last. Cas smiled back in an effort to get Dean back to merry-making. There were certain things he couldn’t abide, and seeing Dean sad was one of them.

“Share,” Cas said as he scooted his ass half off the seat and turned sideways.

Dean laughed but sat down, holding a sliver of space between their backs. He glanced at Cas over his shoulder, but when Cas met his eyes he turned away.

“What?” Cas asked.

“I don’t know. Just… all of you here, helping me get my shit together so I can move it across the country.”

“You gonna use your words to say thank you like a big boy or is the pizza supposed to do the job for you?” Benny asked.

Everyone laughed, Dean included. Cas was glad to see it. They all knew it would be hard the last few weeks before Dean left, but packing boxes made it real.

Three hard knocks sounded on the door and Dean jumped up to get it. He peeked out at first, but then swung the door open. “Sammy, it’s for you.”

Despite her actual size Jo had always seemed to take up a lot of physical space in Cas’s mind. She didn’t take shit from anyone, and there was something about her that projected that fact loudly. In Dean’s doorway, however, she looked small to Cas for the first time. The hard set of Jo’s mouth gave little away. Sam stood, hastily wiping his hands on his jeans. “Hey, Jo.”

“We need to talk,” she said in a low voice.

“Yeah. I’ll be right back.” Sam went down the short hall to his room and came back with a jacket. He didn’t bother to put it on before they headed out the door together.

“I wonder what’s going on?” Andrea mused.

Dean shrugged. “No idea.”

 

***

 

Cas heard the Impala from his third floor bedroom. He went one more time around the room to make sure he had what he needed, then a quick check of the bathroom before he heard Dean at the door. He opened it and went back to his room for his suitcase and backpack.

“Give me that,” Dean said as he reached for the suitcase.

“I can take care of my own luggage,” Cas said.

“I know,” Dean winked at him and took the suitcase with him. ”Got your dress shoes?”

Cas went back to his room for them, and when he came back Dean was already holding the door to the hall open.

“Thanks,” Cas said on his way past him.

Dean put the suitcase in the trunk while Cas dumped his backpack on the bench seat in the back. He retrieved one book from his bag before he took the passenger seat and closed the door. He buckled as Dean got in and slammed his door closed.

Dean had them on the highway in minutes, and he relaxed back with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his thigh. “You can sleep,” Dean said. “I’m okay driving the whole way.”

“Did you think I accepted your offer for some other reason?”

Dean laughed. “You could have flown if you didn’t have me to worry about.”

“But then we wouldn’t have this fun road trip.”

“I hate to break it to you, Cas, but ten hours one way ain’t exactly a road trip.”

“Well whatever ten hours is called then.”

“Read your book,” Dean said, but he smiled as he shook his head.

Cas settled deeper into his seat, but he glanced over at Dean every so often. Dean was at ease driving just like always, watching the road whiz by under their tires. He’d worn a dark t-shirt with his jeans, his signature flannel shirt of navy blue, green, and white stripes over the top. They’d both have to change before they got to the house if they were going to appease Cas’s mother, but in the meantime comfort reigned.

Cas opened his book and flipped through the first chapters to find his place. He hated folding corners, but he was also a master at losing bookmarks. He finally found his page closer to the beginning than he remembered.

“I talked to Sam last night,” Dean said, and Cas closed his book, one finger holding his place.

“Yeah?”

“Looks like him and Jo are through. At least for now.” Dean looked at Cas from the corner of his eye then focused back on the road.

“What did they fight about?”

“He wouldn’t say. If a relationship can blow apart during the first argument it’s probably good to just call it quits.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes arguments are just arguments,” Cas said. “They don’t have to reflect a deeper problem in the relationship.”

“Don’t they usually, though?” Dean checked the rearview mirror then spared a moment to glance at Cas before he refocused out the windshield. “The argument proves that you’re incompatible in some way and you either figure it out together and fix the problem or you break up and that’s that. It’s how dating works.”

“I guess,” Cas said. “I thought they’d stick together, but you never know. Plus they were friends first.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. It just seems like romantic relationships that grow out of friendships fail at a higher rate.”

“You got a source for that, or are you going on experience?”

“Oh, come on--think about the people you know. The couples who have lasting relationship were rarely more than acquaintances at first. When you know someone as well as Jo and Sam know each other you don’t really have a chance.”

Dean grunted and kept his eyeline firmly forward in obvious disagreement. Cas waited for Dean to say more, to clarify his thoughtful sound, but it didn’t come.

“What?” Cas finally asked. “You don’t agree?”

Dean’s mouth straightened and he glanced in the rearview mirror. His tongue slid across his upper lip like it always did when Dean was nervous. “So you think two friends can’t manage a lasting romantic relationship?”

“I wouldn’t say _can’t_. They can certainly try, but I doubt they make it long.”

Dean nodded and returned to his thousand yard stare through the glass.

“Dean,” Cas implored. He didn’t want to argue, not on their last drive together.

“No, Cas, don’t try to convince me over to your side.” Dean shot him a warning glance. “And don’t back down either. You have your opinion and I’ve got mine.”

“I’m just saying-”

“Benny and Andrea have known each other since they were kids. They’ve been together three years now. They’ll probably be the next of our friends to get married.”

“It does work sometimes,” Cas offered, but Dean went back to his controlled silence for a few agonizing minutes before he spoke again.

“Anyway, Sam and Jo are broken up now. I texted Benny to check on him while we’re gone.”

“Sam’ll need that,” Cas said. Sam could get maudlin when he drank, and Cas had no doubt that Sam’s weekend would revolve largely around forgetting aided by alcohol. It was the Winchester way.

Dean nodded, but stayed quiet, his hand worrying the wheel. He was done talking even though Cas wasn’t exactly sure what had gone wrong. Cas fussed with the corner of his book, forcing the pages to flip fast past his thumb, then sliding back over it to the top before forcing them through again.

“I’ll have to pack up quick when we get back,” Dean said.

“I’ll help.”

“Nah,” Dean said, some casualness coming back into his tone. “There isn’t much left aside from the stuff going to storage and I have to borrow Bobby’s truck for that.”

“Just tell me when and I’ll be there,” Cas said.

A smile twitched at the corner of Dean’s mouth and when he looked over he had on a full-blown grin. “Of course you will. You’re always there.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sam called for the second time as they whizzed past the city limits sign.

“You okay?” Dean said into the phone, eyes focused ahead on the highway. Cas busied himself with his own phone, deleting junk emails. He felt like he was intruding on a very private conversation. Not that Sam didn’t talk to him about things like this, but he didn’t want to listen in on a brother-to-brother conversation. If Sam wanted Cas to know all about the breakup he would have called him.

“You can’t--” Dean paused, listening intently, but shaking his head at whatever Sam was saying on the other end. “Sam, you can’t think about it like that. If she wants you to change something that you don’t want to change it probably means you shouldn’t be together. You don’t change just because she--” Dean cut off when Sam started talking again, but he pressed his lips together and glanced over at Cas. Cas shrugged helplessly. It was better to let Sam talk it all out so he could start to move on, but there was no telling Dean that. Cas had seen the Winchester brothers cycle through disagreements that same way many times in the years he’d known them. Sam wasn’t going to change, but neither was Dean. 

Dean tried to interrupt several times, and then sighed heavily into the phone as he rolled his eyes. “Don’t go out by yourself,” he said, his voice firm and low and frighteningly calm. Sam’s voice dropped off on the other end. “If you want to go drinking or whatever you call Benny. He’s ready to take you any time. He’s good at keeping people from doing stupid shit while drunk. Ask me how I know.”

Cas heard Sam laugh on the other end, and then say something too low to catch.

Dean smiled. “You got this. Give it a little time and it’ll smooth over.”

Cas tapped Dean on the shoulder and pointed out their exit. Dean nodded at Cas while he listened to Sam. He took the exit and looked at Cas for further directions. Cas pointed north. Dean stopped at the light at the top of the ramp, blinker turned on.

“Hey, Sam? We’re getting close and Cas has to give me some directions. Can I call you back?” Dean listened as he watched for the light to turn. “You sure? Okay. Call any time if you need me. I’ll be back Sunday night and I’ll take you out then.”

The light changed and Dean followed his lane through the turn. “Alright. Talk to you soon.” Dean ended the call and glanced at Cas.

“Did he say what happened?” Cas asked.

“No. The kid’s not cut out for heartbreak,” Dean said.

“Who is?” Cas asked.

“Some of us are just a little more used to it, I guess.”

The quick comment hit Cas in the chest, and he looked at Dean for a moment, trying to weigh how seriously he’d meant those words. If it was a crack at their upcoming separation it wasn’t funny. Dean looked everywhere but at Cas. 

“How long on this road?” Dean asked.

“Up here on the right,” Cas said. 

Dean guided the car between the tall stone columns that marked the street. Large houses stood in the middle of much larger lawns, all neatly manicured down to where they met tall hedges at the edge of the road. Dean drove slower than necessary, muttering “What the fuck... “ under his breath as the properties grew and the houses disappeared, too far from the road to be seen. Fences and security gates further obscured the view. 

“When we first moved here I didn’t know we had neighbors for like a year,” Cas said sheepishly.

“I can see why,” Dean said as he looked back and forth over the steering wheel. Cas wasn’t sure if Dean was impressed or not, and that made him more nervous than he cared to admit.

“Which one’s yours?” Dean asked.

“Keep going,” Cas said. “It’s the first one with a stone fence. We’ll have to call in at the gate.”

“Fancy,” Dean said. Humor lit up his eyes and Cas relaxed. There was a reason he didn’t bring friends home with him, but Dean seemed to be getting used to things.

“Here.” Cas unbuckled his seatbelt when Dean pulled up to the gate. “Push the com button.” 

Dean did, and then glanced nervously at Cas when nothing happened. “Do I need to-”

“Yes?” came a firm curt voice and Dean jumped a little in his seat.

Cas slid to the middle and leaned across Dean’s body so he could be seen by the camera. He felt Dean’s sharp breath in more than he heard it, and Cas’s nerves returned. “It’s Castiel, Edward. This is my friend Dean.”

“Of course, sir. Just a moment.”

Cas slid back into place on the passenger side and the gates opened in front of them. Dean’s eyebrows went up and he glanced at Cas before pulling forward. 

Baby rumbled up the long drive. The house rose into view, tall white columns across the veranda. 

“Holy fuck, Cas. I knew you were rich, but this place is gigantic.” Dean took in the length of the building’s exterior, the two stories, and additional buildings to the side where some of the staff resided.

“Ridiculous, right?” Cas asked.

“It’s… big,” Dean said softly as he looked the place over.

“We can park over there,” Cas said, directing him off to the side of the house and down the drive that led to a long garage. All four bays were closed, and two other cars sat in the driveway. 

“Looks like they heard us coming,” Dean said, pointing out Cas’s window at Gabe and Anna heading toward them from the house. 

Anna threw her arms around Cas and she held onto him like they hadn’t seen each other in a year. “I’m so glad you’re here,” She said.

“And I’m so glad Dean’s here,” Gabe said with a grin. “I didn’t believe it when she told me, but congratulations.” He grabbed Dean’s hand in both of his and pumped it up and down. 

“Congratulations?” Dean asked. “Are you confused about who’s getting married here?”

“Oh, the wedding’s all Anna, but you two.” Gabe shook his head. “I never thought you kids would get it together, but here you are. Dating our little Cassie.”

“Don’t be an idiot. You know we’re not dating,” Cas said. The nervousness in his stomach ratcheted up. He wanted to check on Dean to make sure Gabe wasn’t getting to him, but he couldn’t look until his face cooled down.

Gabe shook his head, his grin growing mischievously. “According to the guest list you’re together.”

“Shut up, Gabe.” Anna said. “It’s nice to see you again.”

She offered Dean a hug and he took it.

“I hear you’re getting hitched.” Dean kept his arm around Anna’s slight shoulders and she smiled, her skin flushing pink.

“Something like that,” she said.

“Stop taking attention away from the fact that Cas and Dean are here  _ together _ .” Gabe said.

“We’re not together, asshole,” Dean said. “I’m just the defensive line.”

Anna looked away and Gabe shut his mouth. As grateful as Cas was for Dean’s ability to quiet Gabe, no one wanted to talk about why Cas didn’t want to be there.

“There’s food inside,” Anna said. “We won’t start dinner until Grandma Novak comes down from her nap, but we can probably steal something from the kitchen that won’t be missed.”

“We can wait until dinner,” Cas said.

“Speak for yourself, dude,” Dean said. “Lead the way to the food.”

Gabe led the way inside, chattering the whole time. Cas wished he could show Dean around his childhood home on his own. It wasn’t home to Cas anymore, but it was still important to him.He kept glancing at Dean, trying to decipher his opinion. Dean gave little away on his face, and that said just as much to Cas as if he’d screamed his discomfort. His eyes darted back and forth over the gleaming wood floors, then up the curve of the ornate staircase.

“It’s a lot to take in,” Cas started. The back of his neck prickled when Dean looked at him, eyes wide.

“Something like that,” Dean said with an uncertain smile. Cas’s face burned. 

“Castiel.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath before he turned toward his mother’s voice. Naomi Novak took the stairs gracefully in her heels. Her hair was smoothed back in a bun except for long side swept bangs, and she wore a perfectly tailored grey pantsuit.

“Mother,” Cas said.

Her thin smile didn’t change as her eyes passed over the group to land on Dean. “I understand that you are Dean Winchester?”

Dean glanced at Cas then back at the woman on the stairs. ”That’s right, Ma’am.”

“I’ve been hearing about you for years. It’s nice to finally put a face with the name. You’ll need to speak with the wedding planner to be sure you know where to be while Castiel is attending his duties as groomsman.”

“Mother-“ Cas injected, but Naomi cut him off with a look.

“There will be no more discussion about it. You’re in the wedding party and it will be what it will be.”

Cas started to say something else, but shook his head and looked away.

Naomi looked behind them expectantly, then frowned at Cas. “Where are your things?”

“Dean and I are staying at a hotel,” Cas said. He’d been so sure of his decision before, but standing in front of his mother, actually telling her he wouldn’t be staying on the property had his hands shaking. He shoved them in his pockets. “I told you over the phone.”

“Nonsense. Get your things out of the car. I’ll send Jeffrey out to retrieve them.”

“We’ve already reserved-“

Naomi’s eyebrow tweaked over one eye and Cas sighed. 

“I’ll be back.” He trudged out the door, following the veranda out and around to the garage. He’d been foolish to think his mother wouldn’t push the point. Not this time, not in front of a guest. Cas reached the Impala before he realized Dean had the keys. He cursed and turned back. Dean was already down the veranda steps, keys in hand.

“I don’t know why I thought she’d be okay with me staying anywhere but here,” Cas said. “You can still go to the hotel. No reason you have to stay here.”

“Last time I checked you were pretty enthusiastic about the hotel idea,” Dean said. “You said you needed the break from all the family stuff at night.”

Cas sighed. “Yeah, well, I’m not allowed to have a break.”

“Then leave your stuff out here and we’ll sort it all out after dinner,” Dean said. 

Cas shook his head. “She’ll pick at us all night long.”

“So let her. We’ll have dinner, and if they don’t provide enough wine we’ll head out somewhere after--just the two of us, have a couple drinks before we go back to the hotel.”

Cas looked up and into Dean’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

Dean laughed, a quick amused huff. “Like, just don’t do it. You don’t have to follow along.”

Cas looked to the front door and Dean followed his gaze. A man in a uniform had just come outside. “Then I’m making trouble and she’ll be relentless.”

“So let him take our shit inside and we’ll get it after dinner. Whatever.”

Cas shrugged. “Fine.” He stepped out of the way so Dean could open the trunk.

“Hello, Jeffrey,” Cas said and Jeffrey acknowledged him with a nod. He took both suitcases easily and they followed him inside.

Cas showed Dean to the elaborately decorated hearth room where several people were gathered and pointed in turn to the ones Dean hadn’t met before. “That’s my cousin Inias, and Hannah over there is the wedding planner. She’s been a friend of Anna’s for years. That’s Michael.” He pointed to the handsome dark-haired guy with Anna’s adoring smile focused on him.

Dean leaned in close. “Anyone else coming?” he asked.

“Not him,” Cas said.

“Cassie.”

Cas and Dean both turned to the strong female voice behind them. A woman, hunched over with age but with clear, bright blue eyes, stood before them. Her cheeks were rosy, assisted by makeup, and her white hair was cut in a stylish bob. Cas grinned and greeted her with a hug.

“Grandma Novak,” he said.

“And this is?” She looked directly at Dean when she spoke.

“Dean Winchester, Ma’am. I’m here with Cas.”

She looked him up and down, squinting. “How long have you known Cassie?”

“Uh, nine years.”

“You must like him quite a bit to accompany him to a big family wedding like this.”

“Well, he is my best friend, ma’am.”

She smiled at him, eyes shining. “Just what you need in any relationship to make it succeed.” She turned her sharp eyes on her daughter-in-law. “Naomi, is dinner being served or not?”

Naomi straightened under the attention. “After you, Mother.”

Grandma Novak led the way to the dining room, and Cas sighed. “Come on.”

“I thought you said everyone knew this isn’t a date thing,” Dean said, voice low.

“Grandma Novak may have missed the memo,” Gabe said. “It’s usually best just to go along with it.”

“No it’s not,” Cas said, his ears tinged pink. “Not that it’s an offensive idea, but we’re not going to let it continue.”

“Did you hear that, Gabe? ‘Not an offensive idea,’” Dean scoffed. “ Thanks, buddy.”

“I didn’t mean-“ Cas’s face went the same color as his ears. “Dean, don’t-“

Dean laughed heartily and put his arm around Cas. “Come on, Boyfriend.”

Cas wasn’t prepared for the way that title hit him. Fake or not, it knocked the air out of him, and he was still recovering when they’d reached the dining room. The heat of Dean’s arm around his shoulders seemed to multiply as they walked.

In the dining room everyone was already seated at the long table, leaving the seats directly across from Naomi and Grandma Novak open for the last arrivals. Cas took the place across from his mother to absorb her pointed look. Table staff filled glasses with water and wine down the long table once the last of them were seated. 

Dean nudged Cas’s knee with his. Cas looked over at Dean, and frowned when Dean leaned close to his ear.

“That’s a lot of silverware,” Dean whispered.

“Start from the outside,” Cas said under his breath.

Dean sat up straight again, but kept his eyes on his place setting. 

“Mr. Winchester, tell me about yourself.”

Dean’s head snapped up to meet Grandma Novak’s expectant smile. “Uh, sure. What would you like to know?”

“Where you’re from, how you met our Cassie, perhaps a few words about your family,” she said.

Dean smiled. “I’m from Kansas, I met Cas in college and uh, I have a brother named Sam.” he glanced at Cas and Cas could see the nerves behind the fake confidence Dean put on when he was out of his element. 

“What about your parents?”

Dean took a deep breath. “They’re both deceased.”

“Oh, dear. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“That’s alright.” Dean waved his hand as if the simple motion could wipe out the past. “It’s been a long time,” he said.

Grandma Novak nodded, her expression inscrutable. “You live in Kansas City with our Cassie?”

Gabe coughed and Cas glared at him.

“I live near him, Ma’am. Although,” Dean glanced at Cas. “I’m moving to Cambridge next month.”

“How are the two of you going to manage that?” Grandma Novak asked.

Cas looked up and opened his mouth to answer but Dean rushed ahead. “Uh, lots of visits. We’ll take turns flying.”

“You’ll be a student,” Cas said. “You can’t afford-“

Dean shot Cas a significant look and Cas stopped. Dean was playing along and Cas almost blew it.

“We’ll make it work,” Dean said.

“You’ll be a student again?” Naomi asked.

Dean swallowed hard and looked down. “I know I’m on the older side, but I had to take an extended break when my father died so I could put my brother through undergrad. I finished up after he did and now I’m pursuing my masters.”

“At MIT,” Cas added and Dean shot him a dirty look. Cas smiled to himself. If Dean was going to go along with Grandma Novak’s assumption Cas could play the part of proud boyfriend.

Gabe whistled. “I didn’t know you were so smart, Dean-o.”

“Sam’s the smart one. I’m just…” Dean trailed off.

“Don’t listen to him. He’s incredibly smart,” Cas said. “Tell them about your thesis project.”

“Stop,” Dean hissed under his breath. His eyes widened as he looked at Cas, then down into his lap. Cas’s heart pounded as he looked up and down the silent table, but even Gabe had averted his eyes. He hadn’t meant to push--he was just going along with the gag. Cas shifted in his seat, trying to think of something,  _ anything _ to say next.

“Dean, this is Hannah,” Naomi said, taking control of the situation. Dean looked down the table and nodded to the woman who raised one hand in a little wave and smiled from the other end.

“She can meet with you to discuss your place at the ceremony and reception.”

Dean nodded and relaxed into his seat when the conversation moved firmly into wedding territory. The first course came out and Cas caught Dean watching him to see which fork to use for the salad. Cas wasn’t sure what invisible line he’d crossed in going along like Dean and Gabe had suggested, but Dean was obviously unsettled and Cas couldn’t let it continue.

After the soup was served Cas leaned over to Dean. “I’m sorry.” He kept his voice low, and his heart started to pound when Dean didn’t say anything right away.

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that,” Cas said. “We should just tell my grandmother the truth.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said, but he wouldn’t look up from his plate.

“Dean,” Cas touched his arm, but Dean shrugged him off. Cas sat up straight in his chair, looking up and down the table at everyone engaged in conversation. Everyone except Gabe who met his eye and shook his head like he was disappointed.

“I’ll fix this,” Cas whispered to Dean. He looked over the table again, trying to find any entrance into the conversation possible. Dean tapped his arm and Cas looked back.

“It’s not a big deal,” Dean said, keeping his voice low. “You can say something to her after.”

Cas headed straight to the front stairs after the dinner had finished, intending to find their luggage, but Grandma Novak’s firm voice stopped him partway up.

“You’re not leaving Dean to navigate the house on his own, are you, Cassie?”

He forced a smile. “Of course not, Grandma Novak. We have a hotel booked and I want to grab our things-“

“Nonsense. You’re staying here through the weekend. Don’t even think of going anywhere else. I want to get to know this man of yours much more thoroughly.”

Cas looked down at Dean who grinned up at him.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Dean said, ignoring the look of utter betrayal on Cas’s face. So much for fixing it afterwards.

“Please--call me Grandma Novak.” She reached out to Dean and he took her soft delicate hand in his. “I’m pleased to see our Cassie so in love after all this time.”

“Thank you.” Dean smiled genuinely and stole a glance at Cas before continuing. “He’s a wonderful guy.”

The distress Cas had felt since his misstep at the table lifted with that look. He needed everything to be okay between them. There wasn’t much time left before Dean moved and Cas didn’t want to spend the time with any sort of schism between them.

“I will see you in the morning, Mr. Winchester,” Grandma Novak said.

“Please call me Dean.”

Cas rolled his eyes at the overly sweet tone Dean used, and Gabe bit back laughter.

Grandma Novak motioned Dean up the stairs. “Go settle in, and I expect to see you at breakfast.”

Dean winked at Gabe as he went by and he grabbed Cas’s arm. “Come on, Honey. Show me the way to our room.”

Cas’s bedroom was near the end of the upstairs hall, spectacularly decorated in deep blues and beiges, A large four poster bed stood against the wall in the middle of the room. The drapes and duvet were different than the last time Cas came home.

“Did your mom redecorate the second you left for college or what?” Dean asked as he looked around.

“It’s always been like this,” Cas said.

“You kidding me? Even when you were a kid?”

Cas shrugged. “My father didn’t see the point in children’s things.” Their suitcases stood at the foot of the bed and Cas sat heavily on the bed near them.

“I’m sorry about this whole thing,“ he started, but Dean interrupted him with a laugh.

“If you’re okay with it I’m okay with it. Not like we haven’t shared a bed before, right? And this bed is plenty big.”

Cas looked him in the eye. Dean was right. If his grandmother thought they were together, what harm did it do? Everyone else knew the truth, and it wasn’t like Grandma Novak was going to demand that they make out in front of her to prove anything.

“Right,” Cas said. “Whatever. It’s a weekend. We can do this.”

“Okay, so… wifi? Is that a thing at this place?”

“It’s not a medieval castle, Dean.”

Dean laughed. “Might as well be. I grew up in a car, Cas.  _ A car.  _ This is a fucking palace.”

“I know. I was so excited to show you where I grew up, and I didn’t think about how this would all look to you, and-“

“CAS.” Dean’s exasperation came out in that one word. “Dude. Relax. Have a good time.”

“Grandma Novak’s going to expect us to dance at the reception.”

“Cool. I got moves and you already promised me a dance.”

Cas laughed. “You don’t have moves.”

“I do too!”

A knock interrupted, and Cas went to the door. His mother was on the other side.

“May I borrow you for a moment?” she asked.

Cas looked back at Dean. “Of course.” He stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Dean?” she asked.

“Tell you?” Cas racked his brain for any possible thing he could have left out.

“There was no need for you to make hotel accommodations. I appreciate that you were trying to keep your lifestyle out of my home, but you are my son and this is a family event.”

“I… what?” Cas blinked at her. 

She pursed her lips. “You told me when you started dating Balthazar and I assumed you would tell me when you started dating again. I’m sorry for how it was handled the last time, but you should know it is different now.”

Cas watched with wide eyes as his mother started pacing the hall in front of him. “Your grandmother is so pleased to see you happy, and I am too, Castiel. I don’t understand your choices, but I don’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Dean seems--on the surface at least--to be a decent fellow.”

“He’s a very good man,” Cas said, in a daze at his mother’s flurry of words. “But I told you he’s just a friend. He came along for company.”

Naomi’s face crunched with pain, but she quickly smoothed it over. “There’s no need to hide it any longer. It’s plain in the way you treat each other. I’d rather you were honest with me.”

Cas’s heart started to pound. He and Dean were treating each other exactly like they did at home. Dean was just a physical guy. He hugged everyone, he looked at everyone with laser focus when they were talking to him. It wasn’t anything special between the two of them.

“Okay.”

“You’ll stay here. Breakfast will be served at 8:30.  _ Please _ join us. You’ll have the fitting afterwards with Gabriel. You may take Dean along.”

“I will,” Cas said.

Naomi smiled and patted his arm. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said before she walked down the hall. Cas watched her go before he returned to the room.

“What was that about?” Dean asked. He’d changed into a tshirt and shorts and taken over one side of the bed, bare legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. Cas froze. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Dean laid out in his bed, that easy grin of his on his face. Cas’s heart beat so hard that he could swear Dean could hear it too. 

“Uh, so, my mother thinks we’re in love and that I lied about you coming along as a friend.”

Dean laughed. “Did you convince her otherwise?”

“Not exactly.” Cas knelt and opened his suitcase to hide the unexpected effect Dean was having on him. He was a terrible liar and Dean would figure him out in a hot second if he caught on to Cas’s discomfort.

“I can be your fake boyfriend, Cas. That’s easy.”

Cas rolled his eyes and rummaged through his clothes. “Great, thanks. You’re a real pal.” He grabbed his things and headed to the bathroom, careful not to let Dean see his face.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas breathed deep and tucked himself back into the warm blankets. Dean’s arm lay heavy over his middle, and his face was so close that the hair at the nape of Cas’ neck moved with each breath Dean took. Dean curled around Cas, his chest pressed to Cas’s back. _Fake boyfriend_ echoed in his head from the night before, but Cas ignored it for a few more seconds to soak in the feeling of Dean holding him.

Dean breathed in behind him and shifted closer. His nose bumped against Cas’s skin. “Cas?” Dean whispered.

“Dean.” Cas’s heart thumped while he waited for Dean’s reaction.

Dean rolled onto his back, releasing Cas and leaving him cold. “Shit. Sorry,” Dean murmured behind him.

Cas sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He had to move. He wasn’t going to let something as stupid as room arrangements get between them. He went to his suitcase and collected his clothes for the day.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Cas forced his voice to remain steady. “You’re a cuddler when you’re awake, so it’s no surprise you’re the same in your sleep.” He straightened and headed into the bathroom, chancing a glance at Dean.

“I’m not a cuddler,” Dean barked. He sat on the bed with his back to Cas, shoulders hunched forward.

“Yeah you are,” Cas called before he closed the door. Cas leaned against it and swallowed hard. They couldn’t share the room again. Dean was uncomfortable and embarrassed at best; he wouldn’t look at Cas after he rolled away.

It was too late for them anyway. Dean was two weeks away from getting in his car and driving to the other side of the country to live the life he’d dreamed of, and Cas wouldn’t ask him to stay.

 

***

 

Most everyone was in the dining room by the time Cas went down for breakfast. He tried to slip in quietly, but his mother gave him a pointed look.

“You’re late, Castiel,” she said.

“Apologies.” Cas pulled out the empty seat between Dean and Gabe. Dean slung his arm over the back after Cas sat down. Cas looked over at him, brow furrowed in disbelief. Dean grinned like nothing had happened between them that morning.

“I made you a plate.” He nodded to Cas’s spot at the table. “It might be a little cold.”

“Dean was just telling us about your last date.” Gabe wagged his eyebrows.

“Our last date…” Cas racked his brain for some clue as to what Dean might have told them.

“Bowling?” Dean suggested.

“No.” Cas shook his head. “No! You didn’t-”

“So, I totally see you throwing it behind you,” Gabe said. “But hard enough to demolish the pinball machine? I didn’t know you had that much upper body strength.”

“I intended the momentum to go forward,” Cas said. He glared at Dean, but Dean grinned back as Gabe and Anna burst out laughing again.

“It was like your third time bowling ever,” Dean said. “It was impressive, really.”

Cas looked down into his bacon and eggs, his cheeks hot.

“You’ll need to finish up quickly, Castiel,” his mother said. “You and Gabriel are due for tuxedo fittings in an hour.” She smiled warmly at Dean. “Dean, you are welcome to go along.”

“Oh, I love a good tuxedo fitting,” Dean said with a dazzling smile.

 _She likes him._ Cas looked from her to Dean, trying to figure out the connection. His mother had never liked anyone he brought home, but Dean seemed to have inexplicably won her over.

Naomi left the table first, and Dean patted Cas on the shoulder. “I’m gonna clean up real quick and I’ll be ready to go.”

Cas nodded and watched him until he was too far down the hall to see.

“What’s up with you?” Gabe asked.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You were practically frigid with your boy toy.”

“He’s not my boy toy, and you know it.”

“That doesn’t excuse your behavior,” Anna chimed in. “You were kind of rude.”

“I wasn’t-”

“That story wasn’t that embarrassing, dude,” Gabe said.

“I know,” Cas said.

“Then why all the blushing?” Gabe asked. “Was it because he put his arm around you? Do you have unexplored feelings for Dean-o? I’d love to unpack that with you.”

Anna cleared her throat.

“Dean is my friend, okay?” Cas insisted. “Nothing else. There’s never been anything between us,” Cas said. As the words left his mouth something twisted in his stomach.

Cas heard footsteps behind him and he turned to see Dean walking back to his place at the table. He grabbed his phone and held it up for everyone to see.

“Forgot my phone,” Dean said with a hesitant smile. He turned and left as quickly as he’d come in.

“Cas,” Anna hissed. “He heard everything.”

“He knows what I meant,” Cas said, but Gabe clicked his tongue and Anna crossed her arms over her chest and stared in disbelief.

“Fine. I’ll go talk to him, but I swear it’s not a problem.” Cas pushed back from the table. He hoped he was right. He felt certain that the words wouldn’t be an issue on their own, but combined with the start of their morning together, they probably needed to clear the air.

Cas knocked lightly on his bedroom door then tested the handle. It was unlocked.

Dean was bent over his suitcase, some clothes in one hand while he hunted for another item. “Hey, Cas.”

Cas shut the door. “Are we okay?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Dean went on searching.

“Okay. Because I want to apologize for what I said if it offended you.”

Dean stood up, the t-shirt he’d been searching for in hand. “You were just saying how you feel. Nothing wrong with that.” He smiled before heading into the attached bathroom. “I’ll be out in a couple minutes.”

The door closed and Cas swallowed. He knew Dean Winchester better than anyone but Sam, and that was the first time Dean had ever flat out lied to him.

Cas slipped out of the room. He didn’t want to be there when Dean finished up.

“So?”

Cas jumped a mile at his brother’s voice. “Christ, Gabe!”

“Ooh, I’m not sure Grandma Novak is going to approve of the language you’ve picked up from Mr. Winchester. Your boyfriend crying in there or what?”

“He’s fine.” Cas pushed past him and down the stairs. “Just like I told you he would be.”

“No way,” Gabe said, following him down. “I’ve seen how he looks at you. Hell, we’ve all seen it.”

“You know what? Shut up,” Cas said. “Don’t talk about Dean.”

Cas found Anna in the parlor. “Everything’s fine,” he said.

“I hope so,” Anna said. “Dean is a good guy and if you run him off like you did with Balthazar-”

“Really?” Cas said. “Is that what you think I did?”

“Well, you did kick him to the curb, Cassie,” Gabe started and Cas wheeled around on him.

“You know what? Stop calling me that,” Cas said. “And don’t talk about Balthazar either.”

Gabe raised his hands defensively. “So your boyfriends are off limits. Got it.”

“They’re not-” Cas started, and then sucked in a deep breath. Gabe was baiting him and Cas was falling for it again and again. “You know what? I’m just going to sit down and wait until we’re ready to leave.” He took the chair opposite his sister and refused to look at his brother.

“Figure this out before Saturday, okay?” Anna asked. “I don’t need any more of your boy drama at the wedding.”

Cas stared at her, incredulous that she would bring it up.

“I’m sorry!” Anna said with a sigh. “I feel like I’ve spent half my wedding planning time working around your situation with Balthazar, and now there’s a situation with Dean too and I just want to get married.”

“I think bringing Dean was a great idea,” Gabe said. “He brings a special energy to the group.”

“There is no situation with Dean,” Cas said. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d both stop talking about him.”

“Lighten up, bro! Dean's a fun guy. Maybe he can rub that off on you too.”

“Who am I rubbing?” Dean came around the corner in a red collared shirt and his hair gelled up.

“Cas could use an attitude adjustment,” Gabe said.

Cas grabbed Dean’s arm and dragged him out into the entry hall. He released him when Dean laughed and asked, “What’s going on?”

“Don’t encourage them! It’s one thing to let it go with my grandma, but don’t get them going--especially Gabe.”

Dean blinked. “I literally just walked in the room.”

“I know! I-” Cas took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry! This whole situation is stupid, and Gabe is getting to me, and Balthazar is going to be at the fitting. We should just go home. We can be there in--what--ten hours?”

“Okay, okay,” Dean put an arm around Cas’s shoulders and squeezed tight. Relief flooded Cas’s body. “How about you take a deep breath and I won’t egg Gabe on.”

Cas opened his eyes to Dean’s easy smile. “Okay.

Dean smiled at him. “Don’t worry about talking to Balthazar at the fitting. Or Gabe for that matter. I’ll talk so much they won’t be able to get a word in.”

 

***

 

The tailor’s shop stood in line with the other niche boutiques in the trendy downtown shopping district. Gabe parked as close to the shop as he could, then looked up and down the street.

“Well, either they’re already inside and I missed seeing Michael’s big fancy car or we’re the first ones here, kiddos.”

Cas rolled his eyes and got out. Dean followed. They went inside and Gabe let out a low whistle. “Posh, right? But of course, Mother wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A stern looking woman appeared in the short hall. “Do you have an appointment?”

“We’re with Michael Milton and we’re a little early,” Cas said.

“He hasn’t arrived yet. Please take a seat.” She gestured to some stylish antique benches and stalked back down the hall, heels clicking.

“What a ray of sunshine,” Gabe muttered as they sat as ordered.

Cas’s leg bounced uncontrollably as he took in the richly decorated waiting room. Gilded mirrors and perfectly framed art hung on the walls. A chandelier adorned the center of the ceiling.

The quaint bell over the door rang and all three of them turned toward the sound. Michael came in, followed closely by Balthazar. Cas shifted on the hard bench.

Balthazar looked amazing, But then, Balthazar always wore his success well. The glow on his face probably came from a recent, relaxing trip to the Caribbean, and his business was probably ten times bigger now. Cas expected it to hurt more than it did to see him again.

Dean elbowed him and leaned in. “I got this,” he said before he stood up.

“Balthazar! Long time.” Dean extended his hand and Balthazar took it, smiling broadly.

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again, Winchester.”

“Well, here I am,” Dean said.

Balthazar looked past Dean to Cas. “You brought a friend to the wedding, Cas?”

“The invite said plus one,” Cas said. “It didn’t say we had to be dating.”

“But Grandma Novak thinks they are, so don’t blow it,” Gabe said.

Balthazar’s forehead wrinkled. “Sure,” he said.

“Mr. Milton?” The woman reappeared in the hall.

“That’s me,” Michael stepped forward.

“I’m Miss Jones. We spoke on the phone. Mr. Bass will be working with you again today and supervising the finishing details.”

“Thank you,” Michael said.

“Right this way then,” she said.

Michael, Balthazar and Dean followed, but Gabe grabbed Cas’s arm. “You’re looking a little pale, bro,” Gabe said under his breath.

“Mind your own business,” Cas shot back, careful to keep his voice down.

“I get that you’re not cool with Balthazar being here, but get it together for Anna.” He waited for Cas’s nod before he continued. “Let Dean-o work his magic. After all--that’s why you brought him.”

Either Balthazar had asked about Sam or Dean was playing proud older brother talking about Sam getting ready to sit for his final test to become a CPA. That was precisely why he’d come along. _I’ll talk so much they won’t be able to get a word in_ , he’d said.  

“Let him do his duty,” Gabe said. “You stick with me, kid.”

The waiting area was small, made to seat about a dozen guests. Gabe picked from the plush chairs opposite Dean and Balthazar. Cas sat next to him, trying to look disinterested in the conversation going on between his ex and his best friend.

“You still with Lisa?” Balthazar asked Dean

“Nah, that ended a while ago.”

“Anyone else?”

“Not really. Jo keeps trying to set me up.”

“Ahhh.” Balthazar smiled at Cas. “Is that why you brought him? To find him a date?”

Cas had to clear his throat before he could answer. “Dean doesn’t need my help in that department,”

“Right. You did always seem to find some beautiful woman to join us on our nights out.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s easy when you aren’t looking for something serious.”

“You looking for something serious, Dean-o?” Gabe asked with intense glee.

“I mean,” Dean stumbled over his words and was saved from explaining by a young man with intelligent dark eyes.

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” The man who interrupted them wore a beautifully tailored dark gray suit and a firm tight smile. He nodded in Michael’s direction. “Hello, Mr. Milton. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

His eyes swept to Balthazar first and then Dean before he looked at Gabe and Cas and spoke again. “My name is Aaron Bass and I’ll be supervising your fittings today. Your tuxedos are finished save hemming.” He looked them over and frowned. “I’m counting one groomsman too many.”

“Sorry--that’s me. I’m just here for the company,” Dean said. “Not a groomsman.” He grinned sheepishly. “Sorry for the confusion.”

Aaron smiled brightly. “You’re welcome to be here, Mr….?”

“Uh, Winchester. Dean Winchester.”

Cas caught the way Aaron’s eyes flicked down over Dean as he spoke. “It’s a shame you aren’t part of the wedding. You would look amazing in one of my suits.”

Color flooded Dean’s face and he looked down amidst the laughter of Michael, Balthazar, and Gabe.

“We’ll start with the groom and work from there.”

Michael stood and followed Aaron into the next room.

Gabe let out a low whistle. “Wow, Dean-o, you gotta follow up with that guy.”

“No, no, no.” Dean stammered. “I’m good. I’m-I’m here for Cas.”

“Gabe,” Cas hissed.

Gabe winked at him and smiled slyly at Dean. “I happen to know that Mr. Aaron Bass is going to be at the wedding."

Dean met Gabe’s eyes. “I’m with Cas at the wedding.”

“I think Dean’s too polite to tell you that Mr. Bass isn’t exactly his type,” Balthazar said.

Gabe laughed. “Pretty sure Dean’s type is anything gorgeous, and that man qualifies.”

Dean played along, “Looks aren’t everything, Gabe. And I’ve got a solid commitment to Cas for the weekend.” Dean looked him in the eye and Cas’s chest tightened. Even if it was an insignificant thing, it meant a lot that Dean was determined to honor his commitment.

“Yeah but we all know you’re not actually dating,” Gabe settled his arm on the back of Cas’s chair. “You can be discrete and at least get the guy’s number.”

“I live in Kansas, Gabe. It wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“But you could at least get a night with him. The reception will go late, you two could step out, maybe get a room?” Gabriel wagged his eyebrows.

“Gabe,” Cas said, warning in his voice.

“Are you going to stop your boy from getting some at a wedding?”

“That’s enough!” Cas jumped to his feet. “Leave him alone already.”

Gabe threw his hands up in the air like he was under arrest. “I’m just trying to help a guy out. That Aaron guy looked pretty enthralled with your-”

Cas stalked out the way they’d come in and paced the length of the entry hall several times before his heart rate started to slow. _Gabe is a jackass. He instigated the whole thing before we even left the house and put Dean in my head. If Dean wants that Aaron guy it’s fine. Of course it’s fine. Dean can do whatever he wants._

“Hey, Cas.”

Cas stopped just short of running into Dean. “Dean.”

Dean stepped back, his eyes flicking down to the space between them. “You okay?”

Cas forced a smile. “Gabe is infuriating.”

“He likes to take a joke as far as he can.”

“Yeah, well that was too far.”

Dean looked up at him then. “You think so?”

“Of course! You’re not the kind of guy who just grabs a random partner at a wedding to hook up with and that he implied-”

“Yeah, I am, Cas.” Dean smiled and even started to laugh, but Cas shook his head.

“Maybe back when I met you, but you haven’t done that sort of thing in a couple years.”

“That’s not true,” Dean said, but he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away again.

“When’s the last time you had a hookup?”

“Geez, Cas. I don’t know.” Dean looked over his shoulder where Gabe waited. “Can we not discuss this here?”

“It’s been a long time, right? That’s why Jo was trying to help set you up a while back. You’re not that guy anymore.”

“Then what guy am I now, Cas?”

Cas shrugged, but Dean wasn’t buying it.

“Tell me,” Dean said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You know me so well and all.”

Words jammed in Cas’s head, most of them things he couldn’t say to Dean without serious explanation. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but as he fumbled for words Gabe showed up in the doorway and wagged his eyebrows.

“Our turn, precious.”

Cas followed his brother but turned back to look at Dean again before he was completely out of sight. His head was down and his hands were buried deep in the pockets of his dark jeans.

A man led them to the fitting rooms and Cas stepped into his, thankful to be alone for a minute even if it was just to change clothes. He took his time changing into the suits Anna had chosen for the ceremony. She had gone with something traditional but softer for the men--crisp white shirts with vibrant blue waistcoats each layered over with a deep heather gray suit coat. The gray pants were far too long and got in the way when Cas slipped into his dress shoes.

When he stepped out, Balthazar was heading back to the waiting area and Cas was grateful to see him go. Michael and Gabe each stood on a raised platform. A man motioned Cas to a similar stage and Cas stepped up. The man stepped up behind him and began working at the jacket, pinching here and there, then stepping down and away to appraise Cas before he joined him on the platform again and went to work.

Cas frowned. The proximity to someone he didn’t know bothered him, but he set his mind on tolerating it for the short time he’d have someone else’s hands on him. It was worth it for Anna.

“You okay over there, Cas?” Gabe asked.

“Fine,” Cas snapped back.

“Woah. I’m looking out for your well-being and you cop an attitude.” Gabe said.

“Back off, Gabe,” Michael said and Cas turned to look at him, confused. Michael flashed him a smile. “Your friend Dean seems like a nice guy.”

“He is,” Cas said. He allowed himself to relax again.

“You must be pretty close,” Michael said. “That’s one hell of a long drive just to go to a friend’s sister’s wedding.”

“Dean loves to drive,” Cas said. “He might have come just because he’d have an excuse to drive for twenty hours.”

Aaron came around, closely inspecting the work that had been marked on Michael’s jacket and what was being done to the hem of his pants. Cas watched him carefully. Aaron hitting on Dean wasn’t the problem--it was the classless way he’d done it in front of everyone like that. Dean deserved better than being openly ogled. _If I were going to ask him I’d-_ Cas stiffened when he recognized what direction his whole line of thinking was moving toward.

“Cas,” Michael said. “I know you and Balth didn’t end things on the best of terms, but don’t you think you could make peace just for the weekend? Anna and I would appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry--there won’t be a problem,” Cas said. “I’ll stay on my side of the wedding if he’ll stay on his.”

“Come on, Cas. You can do better than that,” Michael said. “Let him say hi at least. It’s been a year.”

Cas was determined to stay quiet while Michael campaigned for his brother. Cas could say hello, but he didn’t want to rehash the past with Balthazar. Before the drive up he’d been afraid that talking to Balthazar about their life together would lead to them sliding back together. That didn’t seem nearly so important anymore.

“As convincing as you are, Michael,” Gabe said. “Balthazar is a big boy. If he can’t work up the nerve to say hi to Cas all by himself I don’t think he gets to.”

Michael smiled, but only to be accommodating. “We both love our brothers. I’m just helping him out like you help Cas.”

“Pretty sure I let Cas arrange his own conversations,” Gabe said, his smile just as pleasantly fake as Michael’s.

Michael started a comeback, but Aaron came around in front of him. “We’re finished with your fitting, Mr. Milton. I’ll have you change and then you can accompany me to the front we can finish some other arrangements.”

Michael gave Cas a firm appraising look, then stepped off the dais and strode to the fitting rooms.

“That was fantastic,” Gabe said, clapping his hands together and annoying his tailor. “Love a good family argument in the morning.”

“He’s not family,” Cas muttered.

“He will be soon.” Gabe’s voice had changed to something more serious, highlighted by much lower volume. “Get yourself together for Anna. Michael’s right about one thing- you could at least say hi to the guy. Make nice for the wedding and family get-togethers, but outside of that you never have to utter his name again. Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout,” Cas said.

“Do you have to have a history with the scouts to use that phrase? Maybe I’m promising on some other scout’s honor.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

Gabe preened in the mirror. “Anna has good taste. Think I have a chance with Kali at this shindig? Anna matched us up to walk down the aisle together.”

Cas laughed at that, and some of his frustration lifted. “Does she even speak to you anymore?”

“At family events sure. And this is a family event.” Gabe wagged his eyebrows. “She’ll have to dance with me for a whole song and I can use that time to give her all the reasons she should let me have a real chance.”

“Never gonna’ happen, Gabe.”

Gabe’s tailor stood and declared him finished. Gabe stepped off his dais and looked back at Cas when he reached the doorway for the fitting rooms. “Winchester probably deserves a song or two on the dance floor.”

“I’m sure we’ll do one for appearances.”

“How about you do it for real?”

Cas let out a frustrated rush of air. “Let it go, Gabe.”

The tailor finished the hems of Cas’s pants and sent him back to the fitting room. He carefully stepped out of the tucked and pinned suit and hung it neatly. Cas grabbed his jeans first.

He had to convince Gabe to stop with all the Dean talk before it started getting to Dean. At some point, Dean wouldn’t find it funny anymore, especially if he wanted to follow up with Aaron. Not that he _should_ follow up with that guy.

Cas pulled his shirt over his head and sat down to put on his shoes.

He could talk to Balthazar, say hi, make a little small talk and call it good. It would be easy not to talk at the wedding and reception, but they had to go to the bachelor party together and Cas didn’t want to be responsible for making everyone uncomfortable. He could get it over with before they left the tailor shop, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about Balthazar for the rest of the weekend.

Gabe waited outside the little dressing room, leaning against the wall. He stood tall when he saw Cas. “Ready?”

Cas followed him back to the waiting area where he froze in the doorway.

Dean was talking to Aaron, smiling, nodding. Panic bloomed in Cas’s chest. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew he didn’t want to see any more.

“I’ll wait by the car,” Cas said and he stalked out.


	5. Chapter 5

“The limo’s here,” Gabe said and went to the front door. “Is he coming down anytime soon?”

Cas followed him to the entry and glanced at the top of the stairs. Dean had announced he was going upstairs to change almost a half hour earlier and still hadn’t reappeared.

“Stop staring. If you want him so bad go get him,” Gabe said.

Cas glared but Gabe laughed. “You are the most clueless guy I know,” Gabe said. “Winchester is so in love with you he can barely see straight and you obliviously lead him on.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not leading him on,” Cas insisted.

Gabe laughed. “You practically have him on a leash. You take one look at him and he heels, ready to obey your every command.”

“Gabe.” Cas’s voice went lower with the warning to show how serious he was, but Gabe shook his head and hooked an arm around his brother’s neck to pull him in.

“You can try to tell me different all you want, but I saw the look on your face when you saw him talking to Aaron. And here I thought you were all worried about seeing Balthazar again. Dean swears that’s why you’re such a disaster today, but I beg to differ.”

Cas glared at him. “When did you talk to Dean?”

“While you were moping in the library Anna and I took care of your guest."

“What did you say?” Cas asked.

“Not much, just wondered if he could provide a little insight into why you’re so jumpy today.” Gabe smacked him on the back. “Relax, Cas and go tell your boy it’s time to go.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Dean came down the stairs, slim jeans fitted perfectly over his hips and emphasizing his bowlegs. He wore a crisp white button down under a dark jacket, with his leather jacket draped over one arm. Cas watched every step and finally focused in on Dean’s grin when he hit the bottom of the stairs.

“You okay?” Dean asked and Cas raised his eyes from Dean’s mouth to look him in the eye.

“The car is waiting,” Cas said, and he was the first one out the door. The driver opened the limousine door for them, and pulsing electronic music flooded the outdoors. Cas climbed in and sat opposite Michael, Balthazar and two other guys he didn’t know, the one with dirty blond hair directly across from him. The guy danced in his seat, keeping uneven time to the thumping music and a little bottle in his hand.

Dean got in next and slid into place next to Cas, their knees bumping as Dean made sure there was room for Gabe. The touch seared Cas, and he reached for the spot reflexively. Dean frowned at him, but gave him more room.

If Cas could freeze time he would have stopped everything right there to explain to Dean that the touch took him by surprise. He hadn’t meant to react like that. Instead Dean turned to Gabe and the driver closed the door on them.

Michael pointed at his friends with his thumb. “This is Lucifer and Raphael.” Lucifer was the dancer, while Raphael sat stoic, hardly an eyebrow raised in greeting.

Cas nodded to them, and Dean and Gabe both went with friendlier hellos.

“This is Cas, Dean, and Gabe.” Michael went down the line, pointing out each of them in turn. “We’re gonna have a good time tonight.”

The limo started to move and Lucifer whooped.

Cas sat back quiet  while everyone spoke around him. The awkwardness between him and Dean hadn’t improved through the afternoon, but Micahel’s family kept the conversation moving in such a way that there was never a lull. Cas knew it was his own hangups holding them back, but he couldn’t make peace with all of it yet. When he and Dean had discussed how they’d spend the wedding weekend it sounded like the perfect way to cap off the years they’d spent as best friends. They’d planned to fulfill Cas’s family obligations during the day, then spend the evenings just the two of them at the hotel, or at a bar or wherever. They were supposed to have time to relax and be Cas and Dean like they were back in Kansas City. The weekend was supposed to be fun. Outside of the actual wedding events it was supposed to be about the two of them.

Cas looked over at Dean. He smiled along while Michael talked, and when he laughed at something Michael said Cas had to look away. He didn’t want to share Dean with anyone--not when he was so close to leaving Kansas City for good.

After a mostly icy ride to the first bar, Cas was relieved to have what little space he could find at the club. He’d sat as far as he could from Balthazar in the limo, but Michael’s weird friend in the seat across from Cas kept giving him creepy looks, and Dean being up against him like that left him yearning for more room. He could breathe easier even though he was surrounded by all the other club-goers.

Balthazar declared that he’d charm his way into finding a suitable table, and sent everyone else to the bar to order whatever they wanted.

“What’ll you have, Dean? I’m buying.” Gabe said.

“Uh, thanks man. Just a beer. Whatever’s on tap.” Dean glanced at Cas. “Don’t want to get too crazy.”

“Get whatever you want,” Cas said. “Don’t let me hold you back.”

“I’m good. Beer’s good,” Dean grinned at Gabe. “Get one for the old man over here.” Dean clapped his hand twice on Cas’s shoulder as he passed to look for Balthazar and their table.

“Come on, baby brother, tell me you see that,” Gabe begged.

“Dean’s my friend. He’s nice to me because he’s _my friend_ ,” Cas said.

“That man finds any excuse he can to touch you. That’s more than friendly.”

“Gabe,” Cas shook his head. “Let this go. He’s moving halfway across the country next week.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t think he’s pretty.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he said and followed after the path Dean had taken through the Thursday night crowd. He was going to have to talk to Dean. A strange gap had developed after the way they’d woken up together, and it had only widened at the fitting. They had to work it out--preferably before they went to sleep in the same bed that night.

Balthazar had found a table alright, a big half-circle booth that could accommodate their large party. He and Dean sat together, both leaning forward on their elbows as they talked. They weren’t friends--at least they hadn’t been when Cas and Balthazar were together--but their conversation looked close. Intimate. Cas took a deep breath before walking to the table. Both Dean and Balthazar scooted around the booth until they were sitting together in the middle of the U shape. Cas slid in next to Dean.

“Gabe’s grabbing the first round of beer,” Cas said.  Dean and Balthazar both nodded and an awkward silence took over the table. Cas wasn’t going to let it be weird. No--he was going to be the bigger man and get it all sorted out.

“So,” Cas started, and both Dean and Balthazar raised their heads. Cas focused on Balthazar and managed a smile. “Michael says you want to say hi.”

Balthazar chuckled, a wry twist to his lips. “Did he now? I don’t recall asking him to butt in.”

“That’s what brothers are for,” Dean said with a laugh. He dug in his back pocket for his phone. “Speaking of, I haven’t heard from Sam today. Have you, Cas?”

Cas checked his phone too, no messages or missed calls. “No.”

“You mind if I step out to call him before we get too drunk?” Dean’s easy smile came back and some of the tension eased in Cas’s shoulders.

“Sure.” Cas slid back out of the booth to let Dean out and then sat again, leaving a significant distance between himself and Balthazar.

“I wouldn’t ask Michael to put a good word in for me,” Balthazar said. “So you know.”

“I figured,” Cas said. He drummed his fingers on the table top.

“Good call on bringing Dean. I was wondering when that would happen.”

Cas frowned. “What?”

“You and him.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Did Gabe put you up to this?”

Balthazar scoffed. “I spent most of our relationship waiting for you to ditch me for him.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Frustration boiled up in Cas. “I would never-”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Balthazar craned his neck, looking around the club “That’s one of the worst things about you, Cas. Too fucking loyal.”

Before Cas could think of an answer Gabe, Michael, and Raphael showed up with full mugs of beer. Lucifer followed with a waitress holding a tray full of shot glasses. Gabe made Cas scoot around to sit by Balthazar so he could sit. Balthazar didn’t seem to mind the close quarters, but Cas took a long drink of his beer.

Dean came back before the waitress had passed out all the shots, and Cas forced a smile for him. Dean frowned, looked at Balthazar, and then Cas with eyebrows raised. Cas shrugged, and scooted closer when Gabe forced him over to make more room for Dean.

Lucifer held up his shot glass. “To the groom!” he shouted. Cas lifted his shot with everyone else and drank.

“Are we gonna sit here all night, or what?” Lucifer asked.. “I’m getting my ass out there. Let’s go.” He took off, without looking back.

“Might as well get the night started,” Dean grinned and stood, Michael and Gabe following along.

“Come on, Cassie,” Gabe implored, but Cas slid out of place only long enough for Balthazar to get to his feet.

“If you’re going to get Cas to dance he’s going to require a bit more lubrication,” Balthazar said, winking at Cas.

Cas’s face overheated and he waved them away to cover. Cas ducked his head away from the thudding music and flashing lights. He nursed his beer and only looked up after the embarrassment had drained out of his cheeks. Raphael had been left behind as well, but he was engrossed in his phone.

Everyone had paired off, including Dean. He’d found a woman with long, thick, dark hair and she ground her ass against him, doing so much more than dancing. Dean held her lightly, and smiled when she twisted her head to see his face. She turned and pressed her full body up against him. He moved with her, keeping the beat and their bodies together.

Cas slid out from behind the table. “I’ll be right back,” he told Raphael, the only one left at the table. Cas dug into his pocket for cash as he walked to the bar. It was crowded, but he could wait. It was better than watching Dean with that woman. It was supposed to be him and Cas together against the world. Dean had said it himself that morning in the tailor shop--“I’m here for Cas”--exact phrasing.

Cas ordered two more shots. He downed one at the counter and left the glass. It was fucking ridiculous getting flooded with feelings like a teenager. Watching Dean talking-- _just talking_ \--to that guy at the tailor shop had set him on edge, and then out on the floor with the brunette… _christ_. He was being an idiot.

Cas took the other shot back to the table where Raphael sat like he’d been placed on guard duty. He sat opposite and took a drink of the beer he’d left behind.

The real problem was that morning. If Cas had just moved instead of fucking _basking_ in Dean’s arms like he belonged there, the weirdness would be one-sided and Cas could get over it. He drank again.

It took him a while to spot Dean in the crowd, but there he was, this time holding a honey blonde with a wide smile. Dean leaned in to say something next to her ear and Cas downed the other shot too.

His head wasn’t swimming yet, but it was coming any second.

Dean was leaving. It would be pointless to say anything now. And even if they did get together Cas knew what would happen when they broke up. Dean would be out of his life for good, and that thought would keep his mouth zipped shut forever.

Balthazar came out of the crowd, sly grin on his face. “Let me buy you a drink or two and get you on the dance floor.”

Cas gestured to the empty shot glass in front of him. “I’m already on my way there.”

“Come on, Cassie. For old time’s sake.” Balthazar held out a hand to him.

It was precisely the thing Cas wanted to avoid before he came. No talking, no dancing, no getting close again with Balthazar. Cas found Dean on the dance floor where he still had the blonde in his arms. That made the decision easy.

Cas accepted Balthazar’s hand and followed him onto the dance floor. The music pulsed louder there, and Cas tried to focus all his attention on Balthazar instead of the potential crush of bodies around them. He moved to the beat and Balthazar matched him, keeping a respectful distance.

Cas was too far from Dean to spot him in the crowd, but the alcohol did its work and he didn’t care as much. He didn’t care when Balthazar touched him, lightly at first- the shoulder, down his arm, and then a grip on his waist. Balthazar pulled him closer and after a few more bars of music he pulled Cas completely flush to his warm, solid body with Cas’s hand on his chest. Keeping the beat was easy with Balthazar to guide him. Balthazar felt mostly like Cas remembered him. It felt good to be his arms again. Cas looked up, expecting Balthazar’s attention to be anywhere but on him. Cas stared into his eyes, unsure of what to say. He didn’t want Balthazar back, but he wanted _this_ \--the connection they had built over the course of their relationship that felt like it snapped right back into place even after a year apart.

“Hey!”

Cas turned to see Dean with his bright smile fixed. “Dean?”

Dean kept his eyes on Balthazar and gestured to Cas. “Cas owes me a dance!” He yelled it over the music but he was barely audible.

Cas felt Balthazar’s arms tighten around him. He looked back at his dance partner who was shaking his head.

“We’re good!” Balthazar yelled.

Dean looked at Cas for his approval, and mouthed his name.

Cas swallowed and looked from Dean to Balthazar. It wasn’t a choice, really. It was Dean doing what he’d promised--saving Cas from himself.

“We’re good,” Cas yelled.

Dean’s smile wavered slightly, but he kept it in place. He pointed at the table. “I’ll be there!” he yelled.

Cas nodded and turned back to Balthazar. He smiled, and picked up with the beat again. He felt bad leaving Dean on his own, but Dean could find dance partners easily enough already. He’d find another. And he really was okay with Balthazar. They were just dancing, and it was easy because they knew each other so well. Cas could never get up the courage to dance with someone he didn’t know well.

He looked over to the table. Dean slumped in the booth across from Raphael, his phone in his hands.

Balthazar pulled him deeper into the crowd of dancers and Cas lost sight of the table. He focused instead on keeping up with Balthazar. One song blended into the next, a never ending barage of electronic music. Balthazar eased Cas close again, fitting their bodies together like they had before Dean interrupted.

Bathazar leaned in close enough that his lips brushed Cas’s ear when he spoke. “Come with me!” His broad hand pressed into Cas’s back, holding him there for a moment longer before taking Cas’s hand. He led him off the dance floor.

“Drink?” Balthazar asked as they approached the bar.

Cas shook his head. He was already fuzzy enough.

Balthazar led him through the crowd to the farthest corner from the dance floor where the music wasn’t so loud and the crowd was slimmer. He pulled Cas against his body. Cas was already warm between the alcohol and the dancing, but up against Balthazar his body flared hotter.

“I missed you,” Balthazar said as he ran his hands down Cas’s arms, to his sides. He found the edge of Cas’s shirt and deft fingers slid underneath.

“I missed you, too.” Cas said. He did- he missed going home to someone at the end of a long day and the comfort of being in a relationship. _And this too_. Cas put his arms around Balthazar’s neck.

“We can leave.” Balthazar pressed a kiss to Cas’s neck, and Cas leaned into him. “I’ll call a cab.”

“It’s Michael’s bachelor party,” Cas said.

“I’ll smooth it over,” Balthazar said, and then he kissed Cas lightly on the mouth. “Michael will understand,” he said, and kissed Cas more seriously.

Cas leaned into him at first, enjoying the contact, but then he remembered that morning and Dean holding him close in sleep. That was what he wanted, not _this_ \--not if it wasn’t Dean. Cas stepped back out of Balthazar’s embrace, hands raised defensively and eyes shut tight. “I’m--I’m sorry. This isn’t right--” he mumbled. Was Dean actually what he wanted? Or just the comfort of being with someone-- _anyone_?

He opened his eyes, heart thudding painfully hard. Of course he wanted Dean. _Good job, Cas--always wanting what you can’t have._

“Castiel,” Balthazar said softly, and Cas looked up.

“I made a lot of mistakes with you,” Balthazar continued. “And I’m sorry. The worst thing I’ve ever done was letting you go.”

“We don’t want the same things,” Cas said. Balthazar was saying precisely what Cas had waited a year to hear from him, but it fell flat. It was too late for apologies. Cas had finally moved on like everyone had told him to several months earlier. But he’d unexpectedly moved on to his best friend, the one who was vacating the state in a week.

“We can discuss things,” Balthazar stepped forward, reaching for Cas again. One gentle hand went to his waist, the other brushed Cas’s cheek. “Back at my hotel room.”

“No. I-- I don’t think so.” Cas staggered back. “I need to--I need to find Dean.”

Balthazar laughed bitterly and shook his head. “Goddamn Dean Winchester who hung the fucking stars in the sky. You’ll never let go of that bastard.”

“You’re probably right,” Cas said, and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

The fluorescent exit sign above the bathrooms made an easy starting point for Cas to try to figure out where exactly he was in the club and where his table might be. A steady stream of people pushed past, and Cas leaned back against the wall, pressing his body flat. The dance floor took up most of the area to his right, but he couldn’t discern through the sea of tables where Dean might be. Of course, Dean was probably on the dance floor with someone else after Cas blew him off that way.

“Where’s the bar?” he asked a group of women, and they pointed him in the right direction. From there he could make his way. When he found the counter he ordered another beer. He could nurse one drink through the rest of the night sitting across from the stern Raphael, no dancing, no talking to anyone until it was time to go home.

Dean and Gabe were sitting together talking when Cas found the table again. They both smiled when they saw him but Dean’s face changed to serious concern when Cas got closer. Gabe stood to let Cas slide into the booth next to Dean.

“Lost track of you for a while,” Dean said. “You okay?”

“I was with Balthazar,” Cas said.

“You okay?” Dean repeated, his voice lower and closer. Cas looked at him and his heart sped up. Dean’s honest concern hit him hard. He had to say something. 

“Of course he’s okay,” Gabe cut in, poking Cas in the ribs with his elbow. “Winchester here was just catching me up on Sam’s situation and told me about your little friend theory. Exactly what kind of crazy are you?”

“Friend theory?” Cas tried to recall what they were talking about and couldn’t.

“The whole ‘friends first being bad for relationships’ thing,” Dean said. 

“And I repeat- what kind of crazy are you?” Gabe asked.

“I don’t know,” Cas said weakly. “All the people we grew up with pretty much married each other and now they’re either divorced or staying in dead relationships.”

“Dude, don’t base any relationship thoughts on the people we’ve known since we were kids. Most of them are fucked up in some way outside of their romantic relationships, and I’d venture to say  _ that’s _ the common factor,  _ not _ the fact that they’ve known each other a long time.”

“But if it goes bad you lose the romantic relationship  _ and _ the friendship.”

“Huh,” Dean said. “So that’s the thing.” he put his elbows on the table and leaned forward like he was watching the dancing intensely.

“The thing?” Cas looked over at Dean’s profile. He wanted to touch him, slide a hand down his spine and pull him close like they belonged together. Dean wouldn’t mind; they always sat close. Cas scooted, but then his brother nudged him in the ribs and gave him a look. 

“Drink up, bro,” Gabe said, a false cheerfulness in his voice. “You can be my wing man.”

Cas shook his head slightly, but the motion was still too much. “I don’t think so.”

“I’d take Dean, but he’s too pretty,” Gabe said, then looked past Cas to Dean. “No offense.”

Dean raised one hand. “Of course not.”

“You come with me, Cas, and I’ll help you out too,” Gabe said.

“I’m staying here,” Cas said. He wanted to eliminate the space left between him and Dean, tell him everything, maybe take him outside where it was quieter.

“Raphael?” Gabe grinned comically wide, and when he got no reaction from Raphael he shrugged. “Worth a shot. I’ll be back.”

No one spoke after Gabe left, and Cas lost his nerve. The music continued its relentless thudding and the crowd seemed to grow around them. Cas spotted Michael and Lucifer dancing near each other, and they both seemed happy with how their night was going. Cas took a sip of his beer. He was going to be brave and speak up. He was going to tell Dean what had happened with Balthazar and that he knew- he  _ really _ knew what he wanted.

“So I texted Sam,” Dean started.

“Yeah?” Cas fiddled with his beer mug, sliding it back and forth.

“Looks like him and Jo are talking again.”

Cas drew a line through the condensation ring where his beer had been a few moments earlier. “Friend talking or girlfriend talking?”

“He didn’t go into that much detail. Maybe they’ll be back together by the time we get back.” Dean rubbed his hands up and down his thighs, looking around everywhere but at Cas. Dean rarely acted nervous, and Cas frowned as he tried to sort out what might have caused Dean’s anxiety.

“Hey- for real. Are you okay?” Dean asked. “You look kind of… flustered.”

“I’m fine, Dean.” Cas smiled for him.

“I’ll dance with you if you want to go back out there.”

“I need to sit,” Cas said, settling back. “I had a couple shots while you were dancing.”

Dean grinned and the tension melted from his shoulders. “I thought you were gonna be reasonable tonight. Not drink too much.”

“Ship. Sailed.” Cas said, and took another drink.

Dean bumped Cas’s shoulder with his. “You drinking for fun or is this Balthazar-related booze?”

Cas kept his face mostly passive. “Maybe some of both.” Or, option C:  _ Dean-related _ .

“Don’t let him get to you. You brought me here to keep him out of your hair, so let me do that.”

“That’s not why I brought you, Dean. I mean, I wanted to see you. You’re leaving soon and this is it.”

Dean looked at him strangely. “I’ll come back for Christmas and stuff. Dude, you and Sam are there. I’ll come back as often as I can.”

Cas nodded, but he knew what would happen. Dean would be too busy and funds would be too low and he wouldn’t accept a ticket someone else bought for him, so there might be the annual Christmas visit, but that was it. It wasn’t good enough.

“Hey, Winchester.” Balthazar came up to the booth, one hand on the back of the booth and the other on the table, boxing Cas in. “Wanna get out there?”

“Cas?” Dean asked.

Cas met his eyes and faked a smile. “Yeah. I’m just sitting. Go ahead.”

He had to stand to let Dean out, but Balthazar only moved out of the way as far as he had to. Once Dean was free Cas sat back down and Balthazar patted his shoulder. “Thanks for letting me steal him away,” Balthazar said and winked.

Cas fumed silently as they walked away together. Just like Balthazar knew the right buttons to push to get Cas to go along with him, he knew the exact way to rile him up. The wink and the comment… Cas leaned back against the padded back of the booth. 

Dean and Balthazar danced together. Not  _ together _ together, Cas told himself, but they were figuring it out. Dean held his own and laughed when he misstepped. Balthazar leaned in and yelled something in Dean’s ear. Dean laughed again and kept moving.   

“Hey, kid.” Gabe sat next to Cas, and Cas took another drink. The beer was mostly gone already. So much for keeping up appearances for the rest of the night. 

“What are we watching?” Gabe asked, and Cas pointed at Dean and Balthazar out on the dance floor. Balthazar’s hand trailed down to settle on Dean’s hip, and Cas shifted in his seat and looked away. 

“Did not see that coming.” Gabe swiped his brother’s beer and drank the last of it. “Want me to grab you another? Or are you through for the night?”

“I’m ready to leave altogether. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Listen, man. If you’re not gonna’ claim Dean, someone else will, and jealousy ain’t your color.”

“I’m not jealous-”

“Cas, I love you, but you’re an idiot. You threw a little hissy fit when Aaron talked to Dean this morning and now you’re throwing a pity party about him out there with Balthazar.  _ Ask him already. _ ” Gabe punctuated the last three words with his hands. “You can’t keep him to yourself unless you make it official.”

“Gabe, I don’t--I can’t--”

“Ask the guy on a fucking date,” Gabe said as he stood up.

“He’s moving next weekend.”

“I can’t think of any better use for your trust fund then flying to see your boyfriend on the weekends. Or better yet--go with him.”

Cas’s heart thumped faster and faster through Gabe’s little speech and he shook his head. “Gabe, I can’t.”

“Is it the shitty friend thing you were saying earlier?” Gabe asked. “‘Cause if it is you’re missing out on what could be the greatest thing to ever happen to you all because you’re too scared to act on it.”

“It might not work,” Cas said, weakly.

“Jesus christ,” Gabe muttered. “I’m gonna say this one time and then you’re on your own. If you want good things in your life you have to take the risk. Them’s the rules.”

Cas looked back out to the dance floor. Balthazar’s mouth was at Dean’s ear, saying something. A smile spread slowly over Dean’s face and then he laughed, lowering his eyes for a second. Cas knew exactly what Balthazar was seeing--Dean looking up from under his long eyelashes paired with his infectious smile. 

Cas got out of the booth. Gabe clapped him on the back while the world righted itself. “Good for  you, Cas.” 

Cas made his way through the crowd. Balthazar spotted him first, and his familiar smirk twisted his lips.

“I owe Dean a dance,” Cas yelled over the music. Balthazar looked him in the eye and for a moment Cas thought he wouldn’t go, but Balthazar nodded and stepped back from Dean. Cas took his place and Dean grinned.

“Thought you were gonna sit!” he yelled. A thin sheen of sweat covered Dean’s forehead, but it didn’t seem to bother him. His eyes lit up in accordance with his smile.

“I didn’t want to miss this!” Cas yelled back. He was unsteady on his feet, but he did his best to follow Dean, looking down at the space between them as he tried to figure out how to move. Dean put his hands on Cas’s hips and the touch seemed to sear through Cas’s clothing. He looked up sharply and met Dean’s eyes.

_ Look at me _ , Dean mouthed emphatically. Cas started to look down again to follow Dean’s body, but Dean hooked one finger under Cas’s chin and forced him to look up again. “At me!” Dean yelled, and pointed at his own eyes, then at Cas’s.

Cas swallowed hard but did what Dean asked. He kept his eyes on Dean’s and let Dean’s hands guide him as they moved together. Cas stared into his eyes, noting his smile, his lips… They could make something work. Cas could fly out on weekends, and they could talk on the phone most days. They could figure it out. They could...

Cas stumbled and Dean caught him against his body. “Cas?”

Cas gestured to the bar. “Water?”

Dean nodded and led Cas through the crowd by the hand. He didn’t let go while he ordered, and once they had their water in hand Dean started back toward the bachelor party table. Cas pulled him the opposite direction, to the part of the club farthest from the music where Balthazar had led him earlier.

Cas drank half his water bottle as soon as they sat and then rested his head on the table.

“Too much alcohol too fast for you,” Dean said. “Drink the rest of that bottle.”

Cas kept drinking, trying to come up with the right words before he got to the end of the bottle.

“Thanks for coming with me,” he finally said. “You have so much to get done before the move and I dragged you away for this ridiculousness.”

“Nah, it’s good to see Anna and Gabe again.” Dean twisted the cap of his water bottle back and forth, tightening and loosening it over and over. “And I’m glad you and I are getting some extra time together before I go.”

Cas nodded and regretted the motion immediately. “I wonder how long we’re staying.” 

“Hey- let me ask Gabe,” Dean said. He walked off with purposeful strides until the crowd got too thick and he had to worm his way through. 

Cas took another drink and wiped his mouth. He had to think fast, get his words lined up and ready before Dean got back. 

_ Dean, I’ve been thinking and I want to take you on a date. _

_ Dean, I want to be with you _

_ Dean, I want you. _

_ Dean, can we have this? _

Dean emerged from the crowd, a few minutes later, looking down at his phone.

“Hey, man. Cab is on the way. We’re gonna’ duck out early and get you home.”

“We shouldn’t leave. It’s a family event,” Cas started, but Dean motioned him up and put an arm around him when he obeyed.

“Gabe told me to get you out of here before you ‘drink yourself stupid’. I’m just following orders.”

Getting out of the club was far easier than getting in had been. Dean didn’t release Cas from his protective hold until he put Cas in the cab. Cas gave the driver his mother’s address while Dean went around to get in the other side. He set his warm hand on Cas’s knee as they pulled away from the curb, and asked,” Feeling any better?”

Cas’s brain zeroed in on the contact point with Dean’s hand instead of forming a response. His heart raced and he couldn’t take his eyes off Dean’s fingers curved over his knee. “Uh, yeah.”

“Don’t yak back there, man. It’s a bitch to clean up,” the driver said.

“I won’t,” Cas promised. “I just need to rest.”

“Here,” Dean took his hand from Cas’s knee. Cas started to protest, but then Dean leaned Cas forward enough for his arm to fit behind him. Dean gently pulled him to lean into the corner Dean’s body provided. Cas tipped his head.

“Yeah--lay your head down. We’ll be there soon,” Dean said. Cas obeyed, and when his head touched Dean’s shoulder he let out an unintentional sigh. 

“Can we pretend we’re boyfriends some more?” Cas said. Dean stiffened underneath him and Cas knew he screwed up. “I mean, it’s good. We’re good. By most standards we pretty much are anyway.”

Dean laughed uncomfortably. “Cas you should probably stop talking until you get some decent food and sleep.”

“No--this is good. This is right.” Cas said. He had to make Dean feel better. “You’re good at the boyfriend thing.”

“Cas, come on,” Dean said. “Would you just shut up until I can get you home?”

Cas closed his eyes. He had questions for Dean, important questions he didn’t want to ask in the back of a cab. He could ask Dean when they got to the house, locked away in Cas’s bedroom. He’d ask and they could drop the pretense in front of everyone. It could be real between them. 

Dean’s chest rose and fell underneath him, and the tension that had tightened Dean’s shoulder eased. He squeezed Cas a little tighter and Cas’s skin prickled at the movement. The knowledge that he could have done something to change their relationship months, maybe even years earlier weighed on Cas. He wanted it to work--needed it to work. Cas thought they could do it even with the geographical distance between them. He just needed to find the courage to ask in the first place.

“Cas,” Dean said softly. “What do we do at the gate?”

“We just… We’ll get out there and I’ll call the house.”

“Okay. We’re in the neighborhood.”

Cas basked in the feel of Dean’s arm around him, his firm strong body under Cas’s head. It wouldn’t last much longer, and he wanted to remember it.

“You can swipe your card back there,” The cab driver said, and Dean shifted to get to his wallet.

“I got it,” he said.

Cas sat up. “No, we only took a cab because of me. Let me-”

Dean ignored him and swiped his card through the machine and followed the prompts. The driver stopped in front of the gate and Dean opened his door. Cas slid across the bench seat and followed him.

“Thanks, man,” Dean said to the driver.

Cas pressed the button on the gate and waited.

“Anyone up to let us in?”

Cas checked the time on his phone. It was after ten. “Someone will do it, but we might have to wait a while.”

The gate buzzed and swung open slowly, surprising Cas. “Or we’ll get right in.” He started up the long driveway, and Dean followed. 

As they walked in the night air Cas’s head started to clear, and nerves set in. He was about to change everything between them without 100% clarity on Dean’s side of things. He stole looks at Dean out of the corner of his eye. Twice he caught Dean watching him as they walked.

“I’m sorry we had to get back early,” Cas said. “You could have stayed. You were having a good time.”

“And put you in a cab drunk and alone? No way.”

“I could have stayed.”

“Bullshit, Cas. Balthazar was getting to you and you were drinking to deal with it. We needed to get out of there. We can get some sleep and start fresh in the morning.”

“That sounds good.”

Grandma Novak met them at the door. She held her arms out to Cas and he hugged her firmly. When he pulled back she gave him a pointed look. “A little too much fun this evening, boys?”

“For Cas, yeah,” Dean said with a smile. “We thought it was best to cut the night short. Gabe will be back later.”

"I expect this sort of thing from Gabe, Cassie, but not you. Good thing you have Mr. Winchester here to watch over you.”

Cas looked at Dean, who was watching him expectantly. “He takes good care of everyone, Grandma Novak.”

“I’d expect nothing less from a man you’d choose.”

Cas put his arm around Dean and squeezed his shoulder tight. “He’s a good one.”

“Cas,” Dean started to protest, but he breathed in sharply when Cas kissed his temple. Cas withdrew, letting the hand that had been around Dean brush down his back. Sparks flared along his arm and down his spine, making him shiver. He was ready to ask him.

“We should get you to bed.” Dean looked at Cas strangely. 

“That’s probably for the best,” Grandma Novak said. “I was just heading upstairs myself.”

Dean insisted that she go first up the stairs and he and Cas followed. Dean made sure Cas had the rail. He was thankful for it. As clear as his head felt, his body hadn’t gotten the message that alcohol time was over.

Dean left Cas at his bedroom door and followed Grandma Novak to her door a little further down and across the hall. Cas overheard their polite goodbyes as he opened his own bedroom door. Dean followed him in and closed the door behind them.

Cas went to his suitcase in search of pajamas and the right words to use when he asked Dean Winchester to be his boyfriend.

“Tomorrow we have part of the day free before the wedding rehearsal.” Cas said, trying to sound casual.” Can I show you around the grounds then?”

“Sure.” Dean collected his own clothes and sat on the bed. “So the brunch thing tomorrow, then the rehearsal in the evening?”

“You can skip the rehearsal. You’ll just be waiting around.”

“I don’t mind going,” Dean said.

Cas abandoned his clothes in the suitcase and turned to face him. Dean had come out of the club looking as sharp as he had going in. The crisp white shirt only made his healthy tanned skin stand out in sharp contrast.

“Thank you for being here,” Cas said, hoping his sincerity played out in his voice. He tried to keep his eyes up and focused on Dean’s, but his nerves were getting the better of him.

Dean grinned. “I’ll always be here for you, Cas.”

Calm settled in Cas’s body, and he knew what to do. He walked over to the bed, stopping in front of Dean, who looked up at him curiously. 

“You will, won’t you?” Cas asked softly. He let his eyes drop down to Dean’s mouth for a moment. “Dean, you and me. We’ll always be this, won’t we?”

Dean swallowed and Cas caught the movement of his throat. “You’re talking gibberish, Cas,” he said.

“If we… if we do something about this, we’d still be you and me, right?” Cas summoned all his courage and reached out to touch Dean’s cheek. The stubble rubbed rough against his fingertips, but Cas slid them back until his palm held Dean’s cheek. Dean’s eyes flared wider, but he didn’t shy away from the touch.

“Maybe I was wrong about the friend thing,” Cas continued, easing forward into Dean’s space. “Maybe those are the best relationships and I’ve just never seen it happen before.”

Dean covered Cas’s hand with his and closed his eyes. “Cas, you’re gonna rethink this in the morning.”

“Dean, look at me.”

A muscle twitched in Dean’s jaw before he opened his eyes, but when he did he looked Cas full in the face.

“I’m very aware of what I’m doing.” Cas looked down at Dean’s mouth again and very deliberately raised his gaze before he leaned down and kissed Dean. 

Dean gasped in air when their lips touched but didn’t break contact. Cas kissed him again, his fingers moving to catch the hair behind Dean’s ear. Dean sighed, and relaxed into the kiss. He brought his hands up on either side of Cas’s face, holding him carefully while they moved slowly against each other. Dean opened tentatively to Cas and made the first move with his tongue. Cas deepened the kiss and Dean sighed into his mouth. 

Dean drew back first, eyes dark. “Cas.” His deep voice had dropped lower and Cas’s heart pounded out a rapid staccato. “What’s this about?” 

“You and me,” Cas said. “Do you want to try being us? I mean, as a couple?”

“Boyfriends,” Dean said, uncertain.

Cas nodded; he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

Dean didn’t move. Cas looked down the long line of Dean’s neck and over his broad shoulders, muscles straining at the harsh angle of Dean’s head. Anxiety filled Cas’s stomach. He’d ruined everything doing it like this. Dean deserved a grand gesture, something that made him understand exactly what he meant to Cas.

When Dean looked back up he scanned Cas’s face, his thoughts inscrutable. Cas licked his lips out of habit and stood a little straighter as some sort of preparation for his consequences.

“How much did you drink?” Dean asked.

“I’m not drunk,” Cas insisted. 

“How much, Cas?”

“A couple tequila shots and two beers. And it’s been awhile since all that.”

“Fuck,” Dean muttered. “Can we go get you something to eat downstairs? Is that allowed?”

Cas stepped back and clutched his chest. All his air was gone, knocked out of him by Dean’s reaction.

“Cas,” Dean stood, “It’s okay. We’re okay.” He put his arm around Cas, but Cas didn’t find it comforting. “Let’s just… let’s get you some food and maybe some coffee and we’ll talk again.”

Cas shuffled with him down the stairs, firmly keeping his mouth closed. When they got to the kitchen Cas took care of the lights while Dean shuffled through the cabinets and fridge contents until he found everything he needed to make a couple turkey sandwiches. Cas pulled himself up onto the counter, legs dangling like he was a kid. 

Dean delivered Cas’s sandwich with a smile. “Eat up,” he said as he went about putting everything back where he’d found it. Cas was only a few bites into his when Dean pulled himself up onto the counter next to Cas, their thighs touching. All Cas wanted was a glimpse into Dean Winchester’s head so he could figure out what the hell he was thinking for once. He sat there acting like everything was the same between them when Cas had poured his heart out not fifteen minutes earlier.

Cas forced himself to eat the sandwich. He didn’t notice the taste but mechanically chewed each bite and swallowed it down. Dean wanted him to eat that sandwich, so goddammit he was going to eat the fucking sandwich.

Dean jumped back down when he finished eating. “They got a coffee maker around here?” He started opening and closing cabinets.

“I think there’s a Keurig in the butler’s pantry,” Cas said.

“Christ- where’s that?”

Cas set the remainder of his food on the counter and jumped down, holding onto the counter for balance. He led the way to a hallway and opened a few cabinets. “There.”

“Fancy.” Dean frowned. “What the fuck’s wrong with a regular coffee pot?”

“Nothing,” Cas said. “Make whatever you want.” He went back to his sandwich and picked at the leftovers. He had ruined everything. Wrong time, wrong place. He’d been so worried about Balthazar and flustered by Dean that he’d broken his own rules regarding alcohol. Maybe it had given him the courage to finally tell Dean how he felt, but that didn’t matter if Dean wouldn’t accept it.

“Here,” Dean said, handing Cas a hot mug. “Drink that and then we can talk.”

Their fingers touched as Cas accepted the cup of coffee, but Dean didn’t so much as flinch. Cas brought it to his lips and took a small sip to test how hot it was.

“How you feeling now?” Dean asked.

“I’m fine,” Cas said more harshly than he meant to. Or maybe he did mean to. He wanted Dean to spit it out--tell him that it was never going to happen. Then it could all be over, Dean would move and…

Cas gasped at the thought, and Dean looked at him with alarm. “What?”

Cas shook his head. There was no good way to explain it without making everything even worse. He took a bigger sip of his coffee. It was hot, but he drank it anyway. If that’s what it would take to get to the conversation they needed to have, he wanted to hurry it along.

“Is it too late to take a walk outside?”

Cas blinked. “A walk?” 

“Yeah. I was thinking we could walk while we talk.”

“I don’t know who’s running security tonight,” Cas said. “It’s probably better to stay in.”

“Right.” Dean pointed at the coffee in Cas’s hands. “Finish that.”

“Bossy,” Cas muttered but brought the mug to his lips.

Dean collected their plates and turned the water on in the sink before scrubbing the plates clean.

“My mother pays someone a lot of money to do that for you,” Cas said.

“I don’t mind,” Dean rinsed the plates one by one. “I need something to do.”

Cas drained the last of his coffee and went to the sink. He nudged Dean out of the way with his shoulder and rinsed the mug. He squirted a little bit of soap in and took the scrub brush from Dean. They were close enough that he could feel the heat from Dean’s body, and he knew Dean was watching as he scrubbed out the mug and rinsed it clean. He set it in the other side of the sink to dry and turned off the water.

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean shrugged. “Not a problem. You got your head back yet?”

“Some.”

Dean sighed. “I don’t know if I can talk about this tonight. Not… until I know you’re--y’know. Anyway.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck.

Cas backed away, keeping his eyes down and resisting the urge to take off. “I understand,” he said softly.

“No, Cas, don’t do that.” Dean touched his arm. “Let’s go upstairs, sleep on it, and talk in the morning.”

“Just say whatever it is,” Cas said.

Dean shook his head, disbelief wrinkling his forehead. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

“Okay, well, fuck that!” Cas said. “Because you either want something with me or you don’t and if you could just say it, I can get over...” Cas bent over, hands to knees. He closed his eyes but everything still swirled in his head.

Dean’s hands trailed over his back and to his shoulders, easing him back up to standing before he pulled Cas into a hug. Cas’s body lit up hot at the contact before he melted against Dean. 

“I’ve got you,” Dean whispered. He held Cas tightly. “Let’s go upstairs and get you to bed. I swear we talk about this first thing in the morning.”

Cas didn’t trust himself to say anything. He nodded against Dean’s shoulder, keeping his eyes tight shut against the truth he knew was coming. Dean kept a tight hold on him up the stairs even though Cas didn’t need him to. 

Dean sat him down on the end of the bed but didn’t let go until Cas looked up at him. Cas watched him go back to close the door then over to Cas’s suitcase. He tossed the t-shirt and pajama pants on the bed, knelt in front of him and slid Cas’s shoes off his feet.

“Dean, I can do that,” he said softly. 

Dean smiled up at him, and Cas slumped forward, the stress across his shoulders easing.

“I know you can,” Dean said as he started unbuttoning Cas’s shirt. “How ‘bout I let you take care of your own pants?” 

Cas laughed. He shrugged out of his shirt when Dean finished undoing the row of buttons. 

Dean went to his own suitcase. “Get changed. I’ll be right back,” he said before he disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Cas changed and even hung his dress shirt over the chair in the corner before retreating to his side of the bed. He slid under the blankets and settled on his side, watching the bathroom door. He wanted to make sure everything was really okay between them before he went to sleep.

When Cas opened his eyes again the lights were out and Dean was rearranging the blankets over Cas’s shoulder. Cas laid his hand on top of Dean’s, and Dean stilled.

“Thank you,” Cas said. Dean’s little puff of amusement made him smile, and he closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

The shower squeaked to a stop and Cas could hear Dean humming before he’d even opened his eyes. He stretched in the bed and pulled the blankets up over his head. It was too bright, too loud, too early. The song sounded familiar, but Cas’s brain was mush without at least one cup of coffee. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand to check the time: a little after eight. They had plenty of time to get ready for the 10 a.m. brunch.

Cas laid back down and closed his eyes, hoping for a few more minutes of sleep. He heard the soft click of the bathroom door opening, and then Dean rustling around in his suitcase. The bed dipped.

“Cas?” Dean said softly.

Cas opened his eyes unwillingly. Dean smiled at him and Cas felt instantly warm with that attention.

“What?” he asked.

“How are you feeling?”

Cas groaned. “A little bit like I got hit by a truck.”

Dean laughed. “I thought so. Can I go get us some coffee or something? Or do we have to wait until brunch?”

“I don’t know. But if you go forage for coffee on my behalf I’ll love you forever,” Cas said, and then froze. Dean also stared at him for a moment before swallowing hard and getting up from the bed.

“Dean,” Cas started, but Dean waved him off.

“We’ll have this conversation, Cas, but coffee first, okay?” He backed toward the door as he spoke. As soon as Dean closed the door Cas covered his face with his hands. It was going to be bad. Dean could hide just about anything on his face, but this was so bad he’d had to leave the room to get away.

Cas got up. He wasn’t about to meet his fate in bed. Dean would try to let him down easily, Cas would have to be gracious about it, they’d part ways in a week saying all the right things about visiting and keeping in contact, but then it would be gone. Nine years of friendship wiped out in one drunken evening.

He used the bathroom and brushed his teeth with the lights off, hoping the dull ache in his head would slow if he did so. Cas knew he had aspirin in his bag, but he couldn’t find it when he shuffled through his clothes. He went through them all again, desperation making him sloppy. He found the small bottle after emptying half his suitcase and poured them into his hand just as the door opened. Dean came in carrying two cups with saucers beneath them.

“Headache?” Dean asked. He smiled as he crossed the room and set the coffees on the little table next to the chair in the corner.

“Something like that,” Cas mumbled.

“I had to basically steal this coffee, so you better like it. And Gabe says you owe him one.”

Cas tried to keep his insides together, but walking past Dean to collect his coffee made him shake. He carried his drink to the bed and sat on the edge before he took a sip. It was hot, but not too hot to drink, and he was halfway through his cup before he realized Dean was still standing there, not touching his own coffee.

“Sit down,” Cas said roughly. His voice was always rockier in the morning.

Dean took the chair, and held his coffee mug in his hands, but he still didn’t drink. “Do you want me to start?”

“You heard everything I had to say last night,” Cas said. _Go ahead--get it over with._

“Do you remember what you said?” Dean asked cautiously.

Cas’s heart beat harder in his chest. “Yes.”

“Did you mean it?” Dean asked.

Cas took a long drink of his coffee. Either way he answered would lead to an ending in their friendship, so he decided to go out truthfully. “Yes.”

Dean looked down into his coffee. “Now that it’s morning and you’ve had some sleep and time, would you still say the same thing?”

“Probably not,” Cas said. “But only because I’m sober. I never intended to tell you how I feel.”

“Why, Cas?” Dean’s voice reflected pain, like Cas had just sucker punched him.

“I… I mean, you’re leaving, for one thing.”

“Just for a while.” Dean shot back

“The program is what--two to three years? And then you’ll go wherever your dream takes you after that, and you should, Dean. I would never keep you from doing that.”

Dean opened his mouth like he had a response, but then closed it again. “How long have you felt this way?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see it for myself until recently, but people have been saying things for a long time.”

“Who cares about them,” Dean said. He drank long and deep.

“I don’t care about them, but I do know that you’ve... you’ve always been important to me. You’re my best friend and I was afraid.”

“That you’d lose the friendship too,” Dean said softly.

Cas nodded, keeping the motion small that his head wouldn’t scream at him. He looked down again. “I’m sorry,” Cas said. “I don’t know what came over me. I should never have said anything.”

“So you don’t want us to be together,” Dean said.

Cas looked up. Dean was the one who was looking away, his head turned to the window, though he looked like he was staring at nothing. “I don’t want to lose you, Dean, so if you don’t want that we can end this conversation right here and keep our friendship just like it is,” Cas said. “But if you do--want that, I mean-- then that’s a longer conversation.”

Cas waited, clutching the cup and saucer to keep himself from shaking. He waited for Dean to move, to do anything but sit there breathing. The longer the silence grew the deeper the pit in Cas’s stomach reached. Dean committed fully and quickly to what he wanted in life, and Cas felt more and more certain that he wasn’t on that list as the seconds ticked by.

“How do you feel about me, Cas?” Dean’s voice sounded hoarse, like he’d lost it screaming at a football game.

“What?”

“I need to know what this is between us.” Dean swallowed hard and Cas fought to interpret his meaning.

“It’s…” Cas started, and failed to find words. He stumbled around for the right answer, growing frantic as he watched Dean’s body tense. Dean was on his feet pacing before Cas could get himself together.

“I mean, if it’s a drunk thing let’s leave it a drunk thing and call it good,” Dean said. “but if you’re trying to get me to stay this is kind of a shitty way to do it.”

“I would never do that!” Cas insisted.

“Right--because you’re not a shitty person, except that suddenly out of nowhere you like me that way and it makes no goddamn sense. I mean you suddenly develop feelings for me and I just-”

“It wasn’t sudden,” Cas said and Dean paused in the middle of his path, color draining from his face. “I do have feelings for you,” he continued.

Dean threw his hands in the air. “What the hell does that even mean? Feelings--like what?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Stop being so pedantic.”

“It’s not-” Dean clenched his jaw and tilted his head toward Cas. “You and I have a different relationship than everyone else. We’ve always been comfortable--probably too comfortable-- but seriously last night you went from being barely able to sit by me in the limo to dancing with fucking Balthazar who I was supposed to keep away from you.” Dean gestured fiercely, his voice raising a level with each carefully laid out fact. “Then you practically poured yourself on me in that cab and then kissed my goddamn neck in front of your grandmother? What was I supposed to think about that? And I haven’t even gotten to what you said last night before you kissed me.”

“You kissed back, Dean, you know you did,” Cas yelled back.

Dean shifted, always moving when he was anxious and he shook his head. “You don’t get to say that. You practically set me up with all the shit you pulled before that kiss.”

“That’s not fair,” Cas sputtered. “I didn’t pull _anything_.”

Dean scrubbed a hand down his face. ”Cas…”

“This isn’t a sudden change. I mean, telling you is sudden.” Cas took a deep breath. Any chance of recovering their friendship was over. He might as well say everything. “Last night being near Balthazar wasn’t that difficult because I had moved on. To you. I didn’t recognize what it meant soon enough, but I think I’ve felt like this about you for a long time.”

Cas stood, watching Dean blink disbelief at him. “I’m terrible at explaining things. You know that.”

“Why now, Cas?” Dean asked softly. “I’m moving.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said. “I didn’t figure it out until now, but we can find a way to make this work in spite of the distance. I’ll fly there. I’ll come on weekends whenever I’m not traveling for work.”

Dean lowered his head, and Cas’s heart raced faster. He’d spilled his guts all over and Dean hadn’t made any real indication about what he thought or how he felt.

“Dean, please. I’ll do whatever it takes,” Cas stepped closer. He wanted to touch Dean, to comfort him and reassure him of their friendship.

Dean looked up, his eyes shining. “Are you sure this isn’t some weird rebound thing? I don’t want to be that guy for you.”

“You’re not a rebound, Dean,” Cas crossed the room, Dean’s eyes widening as Cas closed in on him. Dean backed away and Cas stopped.

“I’m, uh, going to take a walk. If that’s okay,” Dean said. “I’ll… I’ll catch you at the brunch. 10 o’clock. I’ll be there.” He turned and walked out, leaving Cas alone in the middle of his room to figure out what the hell had just happened.

 

*****

 

Cas went downstairs as close to ten as he could manage. Too early and he’d have to make small talk, too late and he’d be admonished in front of everyone. Several guests were talking in the parlor, Anna and Michael at the center. Cas skirted the room and headed to the dining room instead. The long table usually centered in the room was set up against the wall as a buffet. A few people stood around with small plates of croissants and fresh fruit. Gabe’s face lit up when he spotted Cas.

“Just the man I was looking for,” Gabe gestured with his bloody mary. “Where’s your boy?”

“Um, I don’t--uh--so--he’ll be down in a minute,” Cas said.

Gabe hooked his arm around Cas’s shoulders. “Come on now, Cassie. We both know that’s not true.” He dragged Cas out into the hall, smiling with fake sincerity as they passed guests from Michael’s side of the family and theirs.

“Dean tore through here a while ago, and he didn’t look so great,” Gabe said, keeping his voice low as they walked. “When he came down for coffee everything seemed okay. So how’d you ruin it in less than an hour?”

“Let go of me,” Cas spat back.

“In here.” Gabe opened the door to their father’s study and nodded to Cas to enter first. Cas gritted his teeth but went in first.

Gabe closed the door behind them. “Okay, talk fast. How’d it go wrong?”

Cas sighed. “I kissed him last night, but I was drunk and he didn’t feel right about even talking about it last night. Then this morning Dean got coffee and I think he expected me to blame it on the alcohol, but I told him… I told him how I felt and he was angry and--I don’t know. I told him everything and he walked out.”

“So he was prepared for ‘drunken mistake’ Cas not ‘pour out my heart’ Cas.” Gabe paced the floor in front of their father’s long-abandoned desk. “Maybe he just needs space.”

“Maybe,” Cas muttered.

“Is he coming back in time for brunch?” Gabe asked. “Or do you think he’s sitting this one out?”

“I’ll think of something to tell mother.” Cas went to the door and yanked it open.

“Cas,” Gabe said, and Cas turned back. “Maybe he’s not ready for this. Maybe it’s bad timing for him. But he’s into you. Don’t doubt that.”

“Or maybe I ruined the best friendship I’ve ever had because I listened to you,” Cas shot back.

Most of the guests had moved into the dining room by the time Cas got back there, so he skipped to the parlor in the hopes that he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. He was afraid that if he spoke he would break down and he couldn’t afford that.

“Castiel,” Grandma Novak said. “I haven’t seen your dear boyfriend yet this morning.”

Cas faked a smile. “He’s around here somewhere, I’m sure.”

“He takes such good care of you,” she said. “I’m glad you have someone now. Have you considered finding employment near his school so you won’t have to travel so often?”

“We’re still deciding what to do,” Cas lied. He spotted Dean across the room and his heart started to race. Dean looked casual and happy--like their conversation hadn’t affected him. He smiled and shook hands with Gabe and then their cousin Gadreel. Cas didn’t want to leave him in Gabe’s hands for too long.

“Do you think he’s the one, dear?” Grandma Novak asked.

Dean laughed and Cas could hear that gorgeous sound over everything else. “Yes,” he said. Dean was everything he’d ever considered wanting in a partner-- kind, compassionate, loyal--and their friendship was unparalleled.

“Do something about it. _Soon_.” She winked at Cas and he smiled at her, his chest thumping loud enough for anyone in the room to hear. “I must make the rounds,” Grandma Novak said. “I’ll find you again a little later.”

Cas watched her move on to another guest, then looked back to check on Dean. His head was tilted toward Gabe and that could only mean bad things. He wanted to go after Dean, grab him away from Gabe and tell him again what he meant, maybe kiss him again, but he needed to wait. It was Dean’s move.

“Cas.”

Cas took a deep breath before he turned to greet Balthazar with a handshake. “Welcome to the brunch,” Cas said.

“About last night,” Balthazar started, but Cas stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Pretend it never happened,” Cas said. “I’ve moved on.”

“I’m aware,” Balthazar said. “I shouldn’t have pressed my luck last night, and I was unreasonable with you.” He sighed and dropped his voice lower. “I understand about Winchester. But if that falls apart, please--reconsider me.”

Cas looked at Dean, still in conversation with Gabe. “Thank you, but I don’t think that’ll happen.”

Balthazar huffed and shook his head slightly. “Okay. Suit yourself. It’s been good to see you again, Cas.” He walked away and Cas let go of some of the tension he’d been holding. He really was over Balthazar, and it felt good to know that with certainty. Dean was it for him. He knew it now--he just had to wait to see if Dean agreed.

Cas couldn’t stop watching him. There were so many things he’d noticed before about Dean that he was seeing through different eyes. The way his forehead wrinkled as he thought, the way he laughed with his whole body, face lit up bright. Dean committed fully to everything, even laughter.

Dean glanced at him, then did a double take. Cas smiled, hoping it would ease whatever worries Dean had about the possibility of them being together. He didn’t expect Dean to smile back, much less to cross the room. Cas’s breathing turned shallow as Dean got closer, and when Dean touched his shoulder he couldn’t breathe at all.

“Is there somewhere we can go for a few minutes?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded, suddenly struck dumb. He led Dean down a hallway and opened a door on the right. Sunlight poured in through tall windows on the exterior walls, but Cas hit the lights anyway. Dean let out a low whistle as he looked around the room. Built-in bookcases lined the walls on both the left and right, reaching floor to ceiling. In front of the window sat a couch that looked more decorative than functional. A few wingback chairs were placed around the room, and a large table took up the center of the room.

“You gotta bring Sam here sometime,” Dean said as he looked around. “This is practically his personal heaven.”

Cas closed the door behind them. “We should. Although your book collection will rival this one soon if the amount of books you’re storing at my place are any indication.”

“Shut up,” Dean teased. He went to the shelves, cocking his head to the side as he read title after title.

Cas leaned against the table and watched Dean move from section to section in the Novak library. “I spent a lot of time in here as a child.” Cas said. “It’s my favorite room in the house.”

“Where are the kid books?” Dean asked, scanning the shelves.

“I doubt there are any left in here. We didn’t have many to begin with, and I took what I could with me so they’re somewhere at my place in KC.”

“Right,” Dean said softly as he continued making his way around the room. When he reached one of the wingback chairs he sat and looked around from his new viewpoint. “This is something else, Cas.”

Cas shrugged. “I guess.”

“Can we talk?” Dean asked.

“Of course,” Cas said. “I’d really like you to say whatever you’re going to say.”

“You’re ready to talk about this?”

“Just get it over with, okay?” Cas breathed deep, ready for the easy let-down.

Dean’s tongue darted out and over his lips like he always did when he was nervous. “Right. Okay.” He stood up and started pacing in front of the couch. “You, uh… you asked me if we could be together. I still don’t know what you mean by that.”

Cas swallowed. “I want to be with you. I want to take you on dates and talk to you every night on the phone after you move and come visit you on weekends.”

Dean took a step toward him and Cas rambled faster the closer he got. “I mean, we spend practically all our time outside of work together already, and I know you're leaving, but we can work it out. I’ll fly or you can fly and I’m thinking at least once a month to see each other in person-” Cas cut off when Dean stopped in front of him.

“What else?” Dean asked, and Cas frowned. “I mean you sound like you have a lot of plans.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said and looked down, suddenly meek. Dean touched his arm and a shiver ran straight to Cas’s spine.

“Don’t be sorry,” Dean said softly. He stepped in closer and Cas straightened up, aware of exactly how close Dean was. His hazel-green eyes seemed to be a brighter green than Cas had ever noticed before.

Dean smiled uneasily. “Did you really mean all of it? Last night and this morning?”

“Yes.” Cas breathed small shallow breaths as he took in Dean’s face.

“Is the rehearsal dinner tonight going to be our first date?” One corner of Dean’s mouth turned up as he teased.

Cas shrugged, but he couldn’t keep his excitement from showing on his face. “It shouldn’t be.”

“We can call it a warm-up,” Dean said before he kissed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Gabe poked him in the side and Cas scowled. “What?”

“Stop fidgeting. It’s only been like an hour since you saw him. Pull it together.” Gabe kept his eyes on Hannah and moved his mouth as little as possible when he spoke.

Cas reoriented himself to Hannah. She stood center stage going over the order of the service and their roles in the process, but Cas couldn’t focus. Dean was coming later with Grandma Novak, and the urgent need to know precisely when that would be kept Cas trying to discretely check his phone.

“All the groomsmen,” Gabe said loudly in his ear. Cas looked up, startled to find everyone staring at him. Lucifer and Balthazar were already on their feet.

“Sorry. Sorry, everyone.” Cas slid the phone into the pocket of his black dress pants as he stood and moved into the aisle, Gabe close behind.

“Michael will be here,” Hannah said. “Waiting for his beautiful bride to come down the aisle, and the rest of you will fall in line behind. Balthazar, Lucifer, Gabe, Cas--that’s right.” She pointed them to the right places, clipboard in hand. She smiled when they all reached their designated places.

Cas stood in his assigned place, clasping his hands behind him and resisting the temptation to check his phone again. Anna’s killer glare was enough to keep his hands out of his pockets. Hannah went on and on in increasingly precise detail on how to hold bouquets and Cas rocked onto his heels, then up on his toes and back again to try to deal with the building anxiety.

He and Dean had stayed close to each other through the brunch and helped entertain guests through the early afternoon. But then Cas had gone to get ready for the rehearsal and Dean had been left behind with Grandma Novak and other out-of-town relatives to come a little later for the rehearsal dinner. 

The separation made Cas nervous. They hadn’t had a real chance to talk since that morning in the library, and there was so much to figure out between them.

“Cas,” Gabe hissed.

“Sorry,” Cas stopped when he saw everyone’s eyes on him again. He focused on Hannah. She waved him across to the center to meet Hael. At least Hael looked happy to see him.

“Your arm like this, Cas.” Hannah bent her elbow and Cas copied. Hannah corrected the angle then joined them together--Hael’s hand holding Cas’s arm just above the crook of his elbow.

“Do not rush down this aisle,” Hannah said. “Anna and Michael may leave at whatever pace they wish, but you will keep to the music. Don’t start to walk until they are out of sight through the back doors,” Hannah said. “Recessional music please?” she called to the organist. Music flooded the place through the organ pipes. 

Hannah stepped in front of Cas and Hael. “Stick to this beat. Understand?”

Hael nodded, so Cas did too. He could follow her.

“It’s nice to see you again, Cas,” Hael said.

“You too.” Cas tried to focus on keeping time. The music was majestic but slow, and the aisle stretched on forever.

“Did you bring someone for the wedding?” Hael asked.

“Dean Winchester,” Cas said, eyes on his feet.

“Dean Winchester--from college?”

“Yes.” They had to be getting close to the end of the aisle. Cas looked up, hoping to see the end.

Dean stood with Grandma Novak in the large arching entry. He’d changed into his suit after Cas left, and the sight left Cas off balance. The light grey jacket layered over a monochromatic shirt and tie highlighted his tan skin. Dean hadn’t shaved that morning and it completed the look in a compelling way.

“Slow down!” Hannah called behind them. Dean grinned at Cas, watching their slow progress past several more pews and the look made Cas’s insides go crazy.

“Dean--long time!” Hael said when they reached the foyer of the large church. “You look amazing.”

Dean hugged her. “Thanks. You too. It practically feels like a KU reunion this weekend. Shoulda just had it in Kansas.”

“No one lives around there anymore though.”

“Cas and I do.” Dean put his arm around Cas’s shoulders and squeezed. “Well, Kansas City anyway.”

Hael blinked at them. “I can’t believe you two finally got together.”

Cas’s face heated as he tried to come up with a response, but Dean beat him to it.

“That part’s kind of new, but yeah.” Dean slid his hand from Cas’s shoulder to his waist, and the seeming casual change sent a spark through Cas. He put his arm around Dean too, and Dean winked at him. Goddamn if Dean wasn’t flirting with him. 

Hael and Dean caught up while Cas just stood there. All he could do was breathe while he fought the overwhelming urge to get Dean alone. As others were paired off and sent down the aisle the foyer slowly filled, but Cas couldn’t see anyone but Dean.

“One more time, please!” Hannah called as she came down the aisle toward them.

“I think she means you too,” Dean said low in Cas’s ear.

“Grandma Novak?” Hannah said. “Tomorrow Inias will escort you in for the ceremony, but for now perhaps Dean can step in?”

“Sure,” Dean said. He squeezed Cas again before he released him and offered his arm to Cas’s grandmother. “Go get in your place,” Dean said with a broad grin. “You’re gonna get me in trouble.”

Cas laughed, but followed Hannah down the aisle, shaking his head. It was too easy, this thing with Dean. That morning he’d woken up convinced that Dean would pronounce the end of their friendship sealed by Cas’s drunk kiss. He deserved nothing less. Somehow, though, they were together--together enough for the moment, anyway. Cas looked back at Dean, still arm in arm with Grandma Novak, a bright smile on his face as they chatted. Dean could charm his way through just about anything, but this was different. He fit into the family in his own way.

Gabriel motioned to him from the inconspicuous door off to the side where Michael waited with his groomsmen and the minister. Cas slid into last place behind Gabriel.

“You are a master manipulator,” Gabe said with a little bow. “I applaud your dedication to the fake boyfriend cause with all that PDA.”

“It’s… it’s not fake,” Cas whispered.

Gabe laughed and clapped Cas on the back, inviting looks from the other groomsmen. Cas shushed him and stepped back further from the doorway. Gabe’s glib smile turned into a frown.

“We talked this morning,” Cas said. “and we’re… we’re going to give it a try. We’re together now.”

“For real. With Dean.”

Cas nodded. 

“Well, holy shit, bro!” Gabe grabbed him into a hug. “Finally!”

“Shhhh!’ Cas looked around, panicked “I’d like to keep the whole thing quiet.”

Gabe leaned closer. “Anna should know,”

“I’ll tell her tonight.” 

“Gentlemen?” The minister interrupted. “It’s time to begin.”

Cas followed everyone else out to the pulpit. Dean had already escorted Grandma Novak in, and he sat with her in the front pew on the bride’s side of the church listening amiably as she chatted away. Cas caught his eye as soon as he was in place, and Dean wagged his eyebrows at him. Cas knew Hannah was talking them through the ceremony again, but none of the words actually registered. Not while Dean smiled at him.

Gabe elbowed Cas when Michael and Anna started down the aisle together, pretending the ceremony was complete. Cas waited until Hael took the first step and then went to join her, keeping careful time to the music. The more accurately they followed Hannah’s directions the sooner the rehearsal would be over and they could get on to dinner and drinks. They waited in the foyer again as the other groomsmen and bridesmaids made their way down the aisle in time to the organ.

Hannah followed the last couple down the aisle and joined the wedding party in the foyer. “Thank you so much for your participation in the rehearsal,” she said. “I know the process can be tedious, but it’s necessary for a smooth ceremony tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow we’ll run through everything one more time, minus the bride and groom of course. I’ll see you all at the dinner.”

Cas went back into the sanctuary. “We’re done,” he called to Dean and Grandma Novak. Dean stood and offered his arm to Cas’s grandmother again.

“Can you ride with us to the dinner?” Dean asked as they walked down the aisle.

“I don’t see why not.” Cas walked next to Dean, but hesitated to touch him. He had no idea what Dean would be comfortable with in front of Cas’s family, and he didn’t want to cross a line.

“Cassie--we gotta go.” Gabe said.

“I’m going to ride with Dean and Grandma Novak.”

“The wedding party has to stay together,” Hannah interrupted. “Sorry, Cas. I’ll see what I can do about getting Dean a seat near you at the dinner.”

Cas turned to Dean, shaking his head. “I don’t know why it matters if we ride in the same car or not, but apparently it does.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Grandma Novak cut in. “Absolutely silly, I say. Cassie, ride with us.”

“I’ll follow along for now.” Cas squeezed Dean’s arm and smiled at him. “I’ll see you there. And maybe I’ll even get to sit by you.”

“Cassie!” Gabe yelled from the doorway. “We’re waiting on you, man!”

Cas followed his brother out the door and to the waiting limousine. Cas slid into the last seat closest to the door, and almost next to Anna.

“Did Grandma Novak catch you?” Anna asked. “She doesn’t realize how long her stories can get sometimes.”

“This delay was the fault of our Mr. Winchester,” Gabe said.

“All I wanted was to ride in the same car as my boyfriend, okay?” The word felt strange in Cas’s mouth, but thrilling at the same time. Dean Winchester was his boyfriend.

“We all know it’s fake,” Balthazar said. “You can drop the act in here.”

“Well, actually,” Gabe started, but Cas gave him a sharp look and Gabe put up his hands in surrender.

Cas waited to see if Gabe would actually keep his mouth shut before he looked at Anna. “I need to talk to you.”

Anna’s eyebrows shrunk together as she frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Great, actually,” Cas said. He glanced at the rest of the limousine passengers and found Balthazar still watching him. “Later. After all the speeches and everything.”

“Of course,” Anna said.

Cas looked down the rest of the ride to the dinner, trying to keep himself like grinning like a fool.

***

Everyone mentioned tradition and manners and etiquette as the reason why Cas couldn’t sit with Dean at the rehearsal dinner, and while he understood the unspoken rules behind it, he still hated it. Dean was seated across the table from Grandma Novak, but the rest of the table was extended Novak relatives that Dean would most likely never see again. Cas took his place at the table assigned to the bridal party, determined to suffer through the dinner and speeches in calm, rational silence. Once the official events were over Cas would be able to find a place with Dean. 

“Kali did not tell me to go fuck myself the second time down the aisle when we practiced,” Gabe said as he cut into his chicken. “I call that progress, my friend.”

“I don’t understand why you continue to pursue her,” Cas said. ”The only time you ever even see her is at big events like this.”

“What’s your point?”

“Don’t you think she’s made it clear how she feels? Catch on already” Cas checked on Dean again. He was listening politely and pretending to eat the salad.

Gabe laughed. “That’s hysterical coming from you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Winchester’s made it clear for years how he feels about you, and you just now caught on.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

“We had a betting pool going on you two all the way back in college.”

“No way.” 

“Ask Hael or Anna, Gabe said. They were both in. Little Sammy too.”

“Gabe-”

Gabe shrugged. “I don’t know what to say, except that you took so long that no one made any money off of it. If I’d known we were in for the long haul on this I would’ve set it all up differently.”

A couple seats over, Balthazar stood, a champagne glass in his hand. The audience quieted and Cas leaned back in his seat. After the traditional best man and maid of honor speeches were given there were a few other family members expected to speak. Uncle Zachariah would likely go first, and Cas would have to find a chance to speak at some point after that. He had no idea how many people in Michael’s family would stand and offer a toast to the new couple’s happiness. His mother had made it clear that Cas had to speak on behalf of their family. She would never risk tasking Gabriel with a speech.

“Good evening. My name is Balthazar and I am younger brother to the groom.” Balthazar paused, showing his winning smile around the room. Cas did his best to look interested as Balthazar spoke, but he kept stealing glances at Dean instead. God, he looked amazing in that suit. They’d picked it out together for this event, and Dean planned to wear it to his graduation as well. No one would be able to tell under Dean’s robes, but he’d look amazing then too. 

Most of the party laughed at something Balthazar said in his speech and Cas pasted a polite smile on his face. Nerves built up inside of him as he started thinking through his own unplanned speech. Focus on love, focus on Michael and Anna’s future-- don’t get sidetracked.

Everyone clapped politely and Balthazar gave a pleasant nod to the crowd before he shook Michael’s hand and took his seat. The maid of honor stood next. “Hello, I’m Hester and I’m one of Anna’s dearest cousins.”

Gabe smacked Cas’s leg under the table as he struggled to keep a straight face. Hester and Anna had spent most of their childhoods in various feuds with one another. Cas found Dean out at his table, pretending to listen attentively even though his eyes were on Cas. His face lit up when their eyes met. 

Is this how it’s going to be with him? Every time I look at him my heart will race and he’ll smile and I’m completely lost? Cas wasn’t sure exactly when it changed, but there was no going back. He would always look at Dean with these eyes.

Hester took her seat to applause as well. There were a few looks up and down the bridal party’s table. Cas stood up before he could talk himself out of it.

“Hello,” he said. “My name is Castiel Novak and Anna is my sister.” He swallowed and reached into the interior pocket of his jacket for the index card containing his scant notes. “My sister has done many things to be proud of. She has excelled in every area she has set her mind to, and that’s why she’s the brilliant lawyer she is today. Love is just another area where she has triumphed. She knew early in her relationship with Michael what they could be together and I remember the day she told me.” 

Cas looked down, trying to steady himself before looking back out over the crowd, back at Dean. “She and I used to say that love didn’t make sense. It’s always described as this intense, overwhelming feeling, and neither of us wanted to be controlled by an emotion.”

Dean smiled, small and private, just for the two of them. Cas took a deep breath. “While our friends were off falling in and out of love we both focused on our careers. We both dated along the way, but nothing ever came of it. Then there was the day when she told me about Michael. She said she finally understood and she knew with a certainty that she loved him.”

Cas raised his glass and turned to Anna and Michael. “That certainty is something we all long for, I think. To know we are loved deeply and to return it. I’m happy to see it in your relationship. Anna, Michael, I wish you the very best together.” Cas raised his glass and took a sip, along with most everyone else. He sat heavily next to Gabe while family and friends applauded around them.

“At least you got it over with,” Gabe whispered.

“Says the man who doesn’t have to give a speech,” Cas mumbled back.

“Isn’t allowed to give a speech,” Gabe said. “There’s a difference.”

Uncle Zachariah stood and started to speak.

“When do you think we’ll be able to leave?” Cas whispered.

Gabe shrugged. “Probably going to be a late one.”

Cas sighed. He looked for Dean, but his seat was empty. Cas scanned the room, and noticed Dean slipping through one of the doorways.

“Think I can step away for a few minutes?” he whispered to Gabe.

Gabe winked. “We all need bathroom breaks right?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back,” he said.

With the attention on Zachariah at his table, Cas was able to leave the wedding party table without many people noticing, but it took awhile to make his way around the back of the room to the door where Dean had disappeared. He reached the hallway just as Dean came out of the bathroom.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said with a smile. “Didn’t think I’d get to see you up close all night.”

Cas took his hand. “Follow me.” He led Dean down the dim hall and into a small dark room off to the side. “My father often had dinners in this same hall. Gabe and Anna and I would hide in here sometimes.”

“Convenient.” Dean grinned.

Cas turned his hand so that their fingers lined up to fit perfectly together. “I didn’t get to say how amazing you look in your suit.” He stepped into Dean’s space and touched his tie.

“Yours is really great too.” Dean licked his lower lip and Cas’s eyes darted down.

“Yeah?” he asked.

Dean nodded as he leaned in and kissed him.

Cas tried to keep it quick, just a reminder for each of them that they were together even though they had to spend much of the day apart, but in seconds his intentions unravelled. Dean’s tongue made a small venture into Cas’s mouth, and Cas’s resolve crumbled. He tasted Dean too, trying to figure out what he wanted, what he liked in that kiss. Dean clasped Cas’s neck with his free hand and he pulled Cas in to kiss him deeper.

They both pulled back breathless.

“How long is this dinner thing?” Dean asked.

“No idea. But I’m gonna have to go back in for sure.”

“Fuck,” Dean muttered.

Cas kissed him again, a chaste peck save for the swipe of his tongue against Dean’s lower lip. “I’ll sit with you,” he said.

“Cas, your mother--”

“I don’t really care,” Cas said. He didn’t. If they couldn’t leave when they wanted to they could at least make the best of it. Cas led Dean back out the way they’d come, but at an easier stroll than before.

“Wait.” Dean stepped in front of him and straightened Cas’s tie. “You’d think you’d be better at tying these.”

“I’ve never really cared about how I look.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Dean scoffed.

“Wouldn’t want anyone to wonder what we were up to.” Cas smoothed Dean’s tie and stole another quick kiss. He took Dean by the hand and led him back into the large ballroom where Uncle Zachariah was still speaking. They leaned up against the back wall in the dim light, hands entangled like they were teenagers at the prom. 

Their peace only lasted for two more speeches, when Naomi spotted them and made her way over. Cas prepared himself and held Dean’s hand tighter.

“Grandma Novak is going to want to go home shortly. Would you mind accompanying her?” She asked Cas, but then she looked specifically at Dean as well.

“Both of us?” Cas asked.

“Please,” she said with a smile.

“Yes, Mother. Whenever she’s ready.”

Naomi patted his shoulder before she walked away, and Cas stared after her.

“Your mom is taking this really well,” Dean said.

“I don’t know why.”

“Maybe not seeing you for however long you froze her out last time actually got to her.”

“I don’t expect her to accept me. Or you.”

“She seems like she’s going out of her way to make sure she is. She’s been nice to me whenever we talk.”

Cas laughed too loud and a few women turned to look at him warily. He waved at them and they turned their judgemental stares back on the current speaker--someone from the groom’s side who was praising Michael’s every virtue.

“I don’t know what my mother is trying to do yet, but I don’t trust it. She might be making friends with you now, but things can change at any moment. And it wouldn’t be the first time she’s feigned kindness to someone’s face while plotting against them.”

“Cas,” Dan said softly, and Cas rolled his head to look at him. Their shoulders rubbed together and when their eyes met Cas wanted to kiss him again. Forget everyone in the room- Cas ached to hold Dean.

“What?” he asked.

Dean gestured to Naomi with his head. She’d slid into the empty seat next to Grandma Novak, speaking to her softly. “She could have said you have to stay to be part of the bridal party, but she’s sending us back together. Maybe everything’s okay.”

“Nothing’s ever okay with her unless it was her idea first.”

“Seems like she’s trying.”

Cas hung his head. “You don’t know her very well yet.”

Dean squeezed his hand, but didn’t say anything else. Cas was thankful for the silence between them. Dean could shoot off his mouth with the best of them, but he seemed to know when to keep quiet just as well. 

Applause filled the relative quiet as the last speech ended and soft music began to play. Chatter picked up as the waiters went around refilling glasses. Even though Cas’s seat was at the end of the bridal table it was the only empty one. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time, the way eased by alcohol. Anna glowed as she spoke with Hester, Michael smiled as he shook hands with Zachariah over the table.

“I hear you’ve been assigned to accompany me home, Cassie.”

Cas smiled at his grandmother. “Yes, that seems to be the case.”

Grandma Novak glanced up at Dean, her intense blue eyes appraising him. “I assume you’d like to come too, dear?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Dean pushed away from the wall. “If that’s alright with you.”

“So long as you make our Cassie happy.” Grandma Novak looked to Cas. “Does he make you happy?”

Cas turned to Dean. Objectively he was beautiful-- the artful arrangement of his hair, the splash of freckles across his nose and cheeks, his expressive mouth. But Cas felt connected to Dean in a way he’d never felt with anyone. Their relationship had been built in the dorm room, with the books they’d shared, over the late night talks when Cas lived on the Winchester’s couch.

Dean felt like home.

“Yes,” Cas said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow--- look at you coming back to read this chapter. I can't thank you enough for being patient and not poking me while I took a break from writing. I'm planning to update every other weekend, but I'm also graduating college (again) shortly and there is a bunch of crazy tied up in that too.
> 
> You are amazing and wonderful. Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean chatted comfortably with Grandma Novak on the way back to the house while Cas tried to manage the hum of his body. He’d been in relationships before--serious ones even--but nothing had ever felt like he was constantly scrambling to keep up with his own heart. He had no idea how Dean was able to act so normal,  _ so charming, _ when they would be going back to Cas’s room--as a couple this time. Not a joke, not a misunderstanding--something real. Cas kept his mouth shut, his brain just as overwhelmed as his body by Dean’s physical presence. They touched from hip to knee, and when Cas missed Grandma Novak’s attempt to include him in the conversation, Dean touched his leg and left an electric charge. 

_ Dean _ . Dean who had always been there for him. Dean who had nursed him through a broken heart and given him a place to live when he had nowhere to go. Why hadn't they gotten to this place sooner? All the pieces were there and had been for a long time.  _ How have I been so blind? _

Grandma Novak took Cas’s arm when they reached the house. 

“You'll join me in my rooms for a few minutes, Cassie?” she asked as they started up the stairs. 

Cas looked to Dean for an answer but Dean just smiled and shrugged.

“I guess we'll leave you here,” Cas said when they reached his childhood room. 

“I'd invite you dear,“ Grandma Novak said to Dean. “but I have some rather boring family business to share with our young man.”

“No problem, ma’am.” Dean opened the door. “Goodnight.”

“Yes, dear. Sleep well,” Grandma Novak said with a smile. 

Dean winked and grinned at the redness creeping up Cas’s neck before disappearing into their room.

“Jeffrey would have gladly brought you home this evening,” Cas said as he walked Grandma Novak to her rooms.

“You looked like you needed to get away from the situation and I was happy to provide a way. I thought you’d appreciate a little peace after all the bustle.” She opened the door and motioned Cas inside. The stiff formal furniture of the sitting room he remembered had been replaced by a more comfortable sofa. The coffee table was covered in books and papers.

“You’ve changed your rooms,” Cas said.

“When you get to be my age you finally figure out what is important to you. When I redecorated I went for comfort.” She sat on the sofa and nodded to the chair across from her. “Have a seat, dear. I won’t keep you long.”

Cas sat.

She took a deep breath, her lips settling back in the firm line she wore most of the time. “In so many ways you’ve been born to the wrong family, Castiel.”

Cas’s eyebrows raised. He was always Cassie to her; Castiel was reserved for--

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Grandma Novak appraised him, her blue eyes shuffling over his face. “You have never gotten in line, dear. I hope you never do.”

“What’s going on?” Cas asked. “Is something wrong with you?”

“Yes, dear. It’s called old age.” She laughed and Cas shook his head, even as he smiled.

“You’re giving advice and that worries me,” he said.

“Not advice, really. Thoughts. The lawyers were here a few days ago and decisions were made. It always makes me feel my years a bit more keenly.” Grandma Novak offered a determined smile, but it was an obvious front.

“Lawyers.” Cas let the word hang between them until the room felt thick with it. It was her bright blue eyes that finally gave away her concern. 

“It's time I retire and put the company in the hands of someone else. Someone who values innovation and can see beyond now--five years, ten years. They must protect the family’s interests while changing with the culture.”

“I assume you have someone in mind,” Cas said.

“I do, but I have reservations, and I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter.”

“What does my mother have to say?”

“The company is mine; she has no say.”

Cas scoffed. “She’s on the board of directors.”

“Only because your father died.” Grandma Novak’s mouth pressed into her signature firm line.  “I know she's hoping it will pass to her, but she doesn't have what it takes to really lead.”

“My mother--Naomi Novak--doesn't have what it takes to lead the company she’s worked for for twenty years,” Cas scoffed. “Are we talking about the same person here?”

“She is unwilling to change, and that will ultimately kill what your grandfather and I built. I won't see it die because its leaders are unwilling to adapt.”

“So you're skipping Mother entirely.”

“She will have to make peace with it, and if she can't she can be replaced.”

Cas shook his head. “You know you live in the same house, right?”

Grandma Novak chuckled. “It's a big house,” she said. “And it’s also mine.”

“Are you making the announcement soon?”

“The press conference is in two weeks, and there will be a formal retirement party a few months from now.”

Cas waited for her to continue, but she stopped, suddenly very still.

“Are you happy where you are, Cassie?” she asked softly. 

“What do you mean?”

“Your life in Kansas City? With Dean? Your job there?”

Cas looked down at his hands. He  _ was _ happy there and had been for years. But everything changed in a few short days. Dean would move to the east coast, and Cas wouldn’t stop him. “Yes, but a lot is changing right now. Dean goes to Cambridge in less than a week, and--”

“Why aren't you going to Cambridge with Dean?” His grandmother fixed him in place with her vibrant blue eyes.

Cas shrank under her scrutiny. “We're not really at that point in our relationship.”

“That's your best excuse?”

He looked up at her sharply. “I've known Dean a long time, but we haven't been together as a couple for very long. Certainly not long enough for me to follow him to another state. He's been working toward this for years, and I don’t want to derail him.”

Grandma Novak squinted at him and looked him over slowly, making him more uncomfortable by the second. “Come work for me, Cassie.”

Cas stood. “I made it clear to Father a long time ago that I'm not getting involved in the business.”

“It’s not the same company since your father died. Less mindless control, more innovation and anticipating the needs of our clients.” She gestured for Cas to sit again, and he did.

“I need you, Cassie,” his grandmother continued. “Anna is coming on to run the day-to-day, but I want you and your brother in on all case management and company vision. I want you to shadow me, and take my role when I retire.”

He’d only had vague thoughts on why his grandmother might have asked him to talk, but the reality was so far from any of those that Cas hesitated. He’d built a firm wall between himself and the company brick by brick, cemented in place by the way his father dangled his trust fund over his head throughout his high school and college years.

“I don’t know,” Cas finally said. “Do I need to move back here?”

“For awhile, yes. You’ll need to put in face time with the team up front, but after that you’ll get a feel for how frequently you need to be physically present and from there you can go mobile. As mobile as you might require from Kansas City. Or Cambridge.” Her eyebrows went up. “Take a look at the contracts. I can give you a week to think about it, but I need to get everything in place before the press conference.” She pulled a thick file from a stack on the table and glanced at the first page before she handed it to Cas.

“Has Anna already accepted?” Cas asked.

“Yes, and your brother as well.” She smiled as she stood, but it seemed difficult.

“I want this for you and for the good of the company. But you do not have to accept this position. As you said--you made it clear in the past that you didn't want to go into the family business.  No one would be surprised if you were not included in the announcement. No one even has to know that I made you an offer. It stays between the two of us.”

Grandma Novak's smile deepened. “You wouldn't be my Cassie if you weren't going against the grain one way or another.” She extended her arms and Cas accepted her hug with a laugh.

“Now go spend time with Dean. He deserves your attention after the shenanigans your mother insisted on with the seating.”

“He's probably sleeping already.” Cas walked to the door and his grandmother followed. 

“I mean every word,” she said. 

“I know.” Cas hugged her thin frame again and smiled. “I'll look through everything this week.”

“Thank you, dear. That's all I ask.”

The walk to his room was too short to allow Cas to absorb all the information his grandmother had given him. He would never have accepted such an offer from his father, but from his grandmother everything was different. After James Novak Sr.’s death, she had shifted the company back to its original intent: silent security. Their bodyguards and private detectives worked in the background again instead of flashy cases, in it for the glory. They’d recently offered free services to a local march against pending legislation as the eyes and ears of the event.

Things were changing, and Grandma Novak wanted him to be a part of it.

But Dean. Cas was still confused about how they’d come together that morning, and now he  stood in front of his childhood door, Dean waiting inside. His pulse raced. Was he just sitting there on the bed? Changed?  _ Hope not. _ His mind flashed to Dean in that suit at the rehearsal, at the dinner not an hour earlier. He’d wanted to get it off of Dean then, but now that it was actually possible Cas’s nerves amped.

He swallowed hard and turned the knob.

“Shit!” The door hit Dean’s shoulder before Cas realized he was there.

“Why are you standing behind the door?”

Dean rubbed his shoulder. “You were taking so long I thought maybe you--” he cut off and retreated into the room.

“I what?” Cas followed him in, closing the door behind him.

Dean shook his head as he sank down on the bed. He’d taken the suit jacket off and loosened his tie, which was even more attractive to Cas than the full ensemble.

Dean gestured to the fat file in Cas’s hand. “She give you homework?”

“Just some paperwork to look over.” Cas said. He tossed the file on the chair next to the window. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, covering his mouth while he thought. Cas wanted to urge him on so the panic in his own chest would die down, but he waited. Rushing Dean never ended up where Cas wanted it to.

“I don’t know, man. This isn’t strange to you?” Dean asked. “Like yesterday it was you and me best friends and today we’re together? Just like that?”

Cas frowned. Dean had been so confident at the rehearsal, and then at the dinner. But Dean had a real knack for fitting in just about anywhere. “If you don’t--”

Dean jumped up and started to pace. “No--no, it’s not like that. I mean, I want--” He looked away and pushed his fingers through his hair. His grey dress shirt stretched over his shoulders.

Cas could hardly breathe as his heart pounded harder. “Dean.”

Dean didn’t turn to face him.

“It’s strange to me too,” Cas said. “You’re right. This change happened fast.” He took slow steps toward Dean as he spoke, hoping Dean would turn, would look at him, give him a chance.

“I’m leaving and you’re staying,” Dean said. “It doesn’t make sense for us to do this.”

“Did you believe me this morning?” Cas asked.

Dean huffed. “Which part?”

Cas took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure how he was going to convince Dean, but he had to do it right that second, or the opportunity would pass. As difficult as it was to take the risk, Cas knew he had to. He touched Dean’s shoulder and Dean turned, his eyes wide and questioning.

“I meant all of it,” Cas said. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever said out loud. But after last night I knew I had to tell you.”

Dean looked sceptical. “So what--we just start this?”

“I thought we had a good start at the church.”

Dean ducked his head, but he was smiling. “I mean, we had to in front of everyone.”

Cas stepped forward, leaving scant space between them. “There was more than  _ had to _ behind all that.” He took Dean’s hand, fitting their fingers together. Dean still didn’t look up.

“No one to perform for now,” Cas said softly. “But I still want this.” He ran a finger over the loose knot in Dean’s tie, then brushed his fingers down the silky fabric. Dean looked into his eyes, more vulnerable than Cas had ever seen him.

Dean kissed him first. He was gentler than Cas had imagined he’d be in this moment, not pressuring him to open, not trying to move them forward. No, Dean kept them both focused on the one point were they connected like he’d poured everything about himself into that moment and expected the same from Cas.

Cas did everything he could to comply. Dean was all in on everything he did, and Cas wanted to prove that he was just as committed.

“Just like that?” Dean asked softly when they parted, gasping for breath.

Cas grinned. “Just like that.” He tried to catch Dean’s eyes, but Dean wouldn’t look up. He held himself rigid and kept his gaze on the plush off-white carpet. 

“Or not,” Cas said. “We don’t have to--I mean, if this is too much, or--”

Dean cut him off with another kiss, this one more forceful than the last. Cas held the back of Dean’s neck in one hand, the short hairs at the edge of the precise haircut prickling against his fingers. It was exactly what Cas wanted--something with Dean that was real and insistent on that fact.

Dean shuffled them to the bed as they kissed. Cas sank down first, leaving Dean standing over him. His green eyes seemed brighter as he stared Cas in the face. He breathed hard and Cas felt the same. There was a choice to make, and they both had to take the leap.

“You trust me?” Cas asked.

Dean bit his lip and his eyes dropped briefly to Cas’s mouth before he dragged them back up under his long eyelashes. “Yeah.”

He bent his knee onto the bed next to Cas’s hip and leaned in. 

Cas undid Dean’s shirt while they kissed. He’d barely freed it from Dean’s pants when Dean pulled the shirt over his head. He came right back, kissing Cas once on the mouth before he moved down his neck.

“Take care of these.” Dean pulled at Cas’s tie as he kissed along his jaw.

Cas pulled the tie loose enough to unbutton the collar, and Dean moved lower. He followed Cas’s fingers down the line, exploring new territory with every button Cas freed. Cas laid back, shirt open, tie hanging loose around his neck, and tried to catch his breath. His body felt electric, every touch from Dean zinging through him. 

Cas pushed up on one elbow to see Dean kissing his stomach, one hand laid possessively over Cas’s loosened tie. As real as it was, as real as it felt, Cas needed more proof. He slid his fingers into Dean’s hair, and Dean looked up at him, eyes brighter than Cas had ever seen. Dean grinned, equal parts gentle and devilish. Cas had seen that look so many times before, but this one was different. It was just between them, from Dean straight to Cas’s core. Cas slid his hand down along Dean’s cheek, and Dean’s lips parted as he leaned into the caress. He met Cas’s eyes, intense and vulnerable.

“Cas?” Dean asked, his deep voice shot through with anxiety. “We good?”

Cas laid back again and smiled. “Come up here.”

Dean moved over Cas’s body, his knees settled on either side of Cas’s hips.

“Cas,” Dean started. “If-”

“I’m not changing my mind about you,” Cas said softly. “Or about this. Are you?”

Dean shook his head, his eyes never leaving Cas’s.

Cas pulled him down into a slow, deep kiss, and for the first time in a long time Cas felt like everything might actually be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I'd never come back to finish this thing... I didn't think I would either. Because I've been writing pretty close to NONE since graduation in May, starting a new job literally the same week, and trying to learn that new position. All that change was making my panic disorder go absolutely apeshit on me, so I've basically spent all my free time over the last 7 months or so trying to get out of my own head and failing miserably.
> 
> Anyway-- about the fic... It's being downgraded to Mature. I have to y'all, or I'll never get this thing finished. I sincerely apologize if that was the only reason you were reading along, but I finally figured out that I can't write explicit shit while my brain is like this, and I want to make sure to finish it.


	10. Chapter 10

A phone rang, and Cas thought he was dreaming until the heavy arm across his chest lifted, cool air taking its place.

“Yeah?” Dean’s voice was thick with sleep. “Sam--fuck. What time is it?”

The blankets stretched away and Cas followed, rolling onto his side. Dean laid on his back, grinding the heel of one hand into his eye, phone to his ear. That close Dean’s freckles stood out, dancing over the bridge of his nose and disappearing on the other side. His long lashes sliced elegantly against his skin.

“That’s good,” Dean said into the phone. He glanced toward Cas then did a double take like he’d forgotten anyone was there. He grinned, lips slowly stretching at the corners.

“You’ll have to give me all the details when I get back, man. Glad you and Jo worked it out.” He rolled on his side to face Cas.

“I have to go,” Dean said. “Wedding day and all that.” He winked at Cas, and heat spread across Cas’s chest. He watched Dean end the call, nerves fluttering in his stomach. It had been so long since he’d woken up the morning after with someone new that he couldn’t remember what to say or do, and it was  _ Dean _ . Waking up next to Dean had never been strange before--in fact, so much was the same that Cas was kicking himself for not seeing it for what it was a long time ago.

“Hey,” Dean said. “You’re thinking too hard over there.” He smiled, but his confidence wavered behind it.

_ Oh. _

Cas met his eyes. “How long? I mean--” Cas pushed up on his elbow. “I’m sorry. I--can I ask you a question? And you don’t have to answer.”

“Okay.” Dean said, suddenly wary.

Cas turned the question around in his head, trying to think of the best way to phrase it.

“Cas, what is it?” Dean sat up.

“It’s not bad, I’m just realizing that I should have figured this all out a lot sooner.”

Dean reached for him, brushing his fingers up from Cas’s elbow to his shoulder. He held him there and his heat infused into Cas. “We’re together now.”

He leaned slowly to kiss Cas, just a brush over his lips. He only pulled back far enough for Cas’s eyes to refocus on his face and those gorgeous freckles.

“Have you wanted this for a long time?” Cas asked softly.

“Awhile maybe.” Dean smiled and kissed him again, just enough longer that Cas leaned toward him for more when Dean broke the kiss.

“So this could have happened maybe a while ago.”

“Maybe.” Dean kissed him seriously that time, morning breath be damned. Cas curled his fingers around the back of Dean’s head, holding him close while they grew heated. Dean moved over him, and Cas collapsed back on the pillow to accommodate. They couldn’t go back in time, but they could do it right going forward.

Dean’s lips left his with a smack when two sharp knocks interrupted. 

“Yes?” Cas called, his heart thudding in his chest.

“Hey--get your asses down--” Gabe said as the door swung open.

Dean rolled off of Cas and pulled the blanket up higher

“Oooooookay.” Gabe smirked and nodded his head. “I’ll admit--I wasn’t sure you were telling me the truth yesterday, but this seems pretty real.”

“How did you get in here?” Cas sputtered. “I know I locked that door.”

“By using my wiles, dumbass.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

“We got a crisis downstairs. Wedding singer for the reception is critically ill and they can’t find anyone else.”

“I thought she won a DJ in the wedding mediation with our mother.”

Gabe sat on the end of the bed. “She did, but she wanted a live singer for some specific song.”

“Dude, get out of here.” Dean kicked at him. “We’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay.” Gabe held his hands up. “Everyone already thinks this is what you’ve been doing for ages, so I don’t see why it’s--”

“Gabe, get the fuck out,” Cas said.

“Ooh, naughty words.” Gabe grinned. “When’d you give him that upgrade, Dean-o?”

"Get out, or you’re gonna get an eyeful,” Dean warned.

Gabe laughed. “As if I’d mind that.” He left, closing the door with a clear thud.

Dean collapsed back on the bed. “What the fuck.”

“I’m sorry--you know how he is.”

“Is he going to tell your mom?”

“Tell her what?”

Dean laughed. “You know--you and me-- _ sinning _ in her house… I don’t want her to kick you out of the wedding or anything.”

“She’d never do that,” Cas said. “It wouldn’t give the right impression to the guests. The Novaks are a very happy family marrying into an equally appropriate family.”

“Sounds like fun,” Dean said, sarcasm dripping.

  
  


###

 

They could hear loud debate in the kitchen all the way from the stairs. First, Hannah and Naomi going back and forth before being cut off by Anna, then Naomi starting up again as they made their entrance.

“Castiel, tell your sister to be reasonable.” Naomi said. “Live performance is impossible at this point, so her DJ can play a recording since he’s not actually a musician.”

“Good morning to you too, Mother,” Cas said on his way to the coffee.

“I want the song to be live for a reason,” Anna said. “It’s the kind of song that needs to be sung in person to be memorable and that really matters to me.”

“I could probably do it,” Dean said.

Everyone--including Cas--turned to stare at him like he’d just suggested he could sprout wings and fly away.

“Just offering,” he said. Dean glanced at Cas and then down at the floor, his embarrassment getting in the way of his usual bravado.

“That works.” Anna crossed the room to take Dean by the hand. “Come with me--we only have about 10 minutes to solve this before I have to start getting ready.” Dean looked over his shoulder as Anna dragged him to the doorway, waving a quick goodbye at Cas.

“Do I get him back at some point?” Cas asked dryly.

“Of course,” Naomi said. “You’ll see him at the church, and then at the reception. I’ve arranged for you to sit at the end of the table for the bridal party, and after Anna and Michael have their first dance, you may sit with Dean at his table. I’ve seated Dean with your grandmother again and she will be sure to introduce him around the table so he’ll know some people.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Is Dean really a singer?” Naomi asked gently as she raised her teacup to her mouth.

“Yes,” Cas and Gabe said in unison. Cas glared at him and Gabe laughed him off.

“He sang in a bar band for a while back when we were in school together,” Cas said. “He’s really good.”

“He really is,” Gabe agreed. “Anna heard him back then, and look how eager she was to get him practicing.”

“Anna’s desperate for any fix at this point,” Hannah said.

“Dean wouldn’t have volunteered if he couldn’t follow through,” Cas said. “It’s one of his best qualities.”

"What are the others?” Gabe said. “Did I catch one this morning?”

Cas glared at him, but Gabe took a drink, impervious to Cas after so many years of exposure.

“You need to get yourself ready. Don’t make me chase after you to be ready on time like you’re a teenager again,” Naomi said.

"Of course.” Cas took his coffee with him, sure that Gabe was being asked what he was talking about the second he left the room. Not that it mattered--everyone thought he and Dean were together anyway. Except Anna--he still needed to find time to tell her.

Dean wasn’t in their room when Cas got there, but he didn’t expect to see him again before the ceremony. Too bad. He would have loved to see him in the other suit they’d purchased for the event. Alone. Maybe as he dressed, even if it would have slowed the process drastically.

The contract from his grandmother was still sitting where he’d left it on the little table next to the window. Cas planned to tell her yes before he left, then take the contract home to look through and finish that portion later. He wanted to tell Grandma Novak in person, though. She’d done so much for him, and this gift disguised as a job offer was the biggest by far. It would allow him the flexibility to be with Dean through school. The only bump in the deal would be Sam’s plan to move in with Cas. But he would happily pay his portion of the rent as long as Sam needed him to. Hell, he’d pay the whole thing just to have the chance to pursue life with Dean.

They could really be together now. No worries about how to make a mostly long-distance relationship happen. They’d only be occasionally long distance after a short time, and Dean would need that time to settle into his classes and teaching schedule anyway.

It really was perfect, and Cas couldn’t wait to tell Dean.

 

### 

 

“You all stay here while I check with the MC about timing for entrance,” Hannah said firmly, clipboard in hand. She turned to Gabriel and pointed at him stiffly. “Do not ruin this.”

“Hey, I’m just here for wine and women,” he said, then glanced at Anna. “You know--and the whole marriage of my sister thing.”

“Stay.” Hannah said before entering the reception.

“It’s like she doesn’t realize it’s been 20 years since I snuck up and scared her off the diving board,” Gabe said.

“Because  _ that’s _ the last crap you pulled with her,” Cas said. “Really?”

“A guy can grow and change.”

“That’s true,” Balthazar said. “But you refuse to do so.”

“Yeah, yeah--pick on me now while we’re supposed to behave, so that when she comes back I--”

The door opened, and Hannah walked in, focused completely on Gabe. “Are you about done?”

Gabe offered a wry smile to the group. “Ha ha, you all might think you win, but ultimately I’m the big winner tonight.”

Anna gave him a pointed look. “Not your day.”

“Listen,” Hannah said tightly, composure wearing thin. “You’ll be announced one couple at a time. Walk gracefully just like you did down the aisle at the church, and take your seat at the table. There are place cards for each of you.”

She signaled to someone just inside the door, and then she sent them in. 

Cas recognized some of the people seated there, but most were professional acquaintances of the family and their business. Several faces looked familiar, but he couldn’t recall names. He’d learn them soon enough taking over the creative division. Several of their friends from college were near the dance floor. At some point the professional folks would leave the younger crowd to enjoy themselves, possibly forced out by Anna’s choice of DJ versus string quartet.

And then there was Dean. The smile he gave Cas could have fueled the sun, and Cas couldn’t help smiling back. The wedding party took their seats, but Cas’s smile never faded, even as the MC took over and dinner was served. Dean was a social chameleon--his great skills in observation allowed him to fit in deftly almost everywhere, and he seemed to be in his element next to Grandma Novak and many of her long-time friends.

Gabe nudged him. “You’re staring.”

“No one else cares,” Cas said.

He was vaguely aware of Hester’s short speech and Balthazar led a toast in Anna and Michael’s honor. The only thing Cas could think about was how everything was coming together, here at his sister’s wedding, with his mother’s approval, with  _ Dean _ .

Dean excused himself from his table as the MC spoke about the wondrous first days of marriage, spinning a tale while Michael and Anna took the dance floor. All eyes were on the beautiful couple, but Cas followed Dean. Dean stood next to the grand piano, a tall mic ready to amplify his voice. The pianist played softly under the MC while he spoke, then played out the opening chords that led Dean to the microphone.

It took Cas a few phrases to place the song, and then he laughed to himself. John Legend was pretty far away from Dean’s usual fare on the musical spectrum, but he was more than pulling it off. He looked like a pro in his black suit, like he’d sung the song a million times over and owned it now. He played the room with his eyes and in the way he cradled the microphone, even though the real focus was on Michael and Anna dancing in front of him.

“He’s actually very good,” Balthazar said, uncomfortably close to Cas’s ear.

“He is,” Cas said.

“I heard rumblings that your grandmother will be retiring soon.”

“From who?” Cas asked without turning toward him.

Balthazar leaned in closer still. “I also heard you may be moving back,”

Cas didn’t reply. It wasn’t his news to share yet, and he had no desire for Balthazar to be the first to know.

“If you do, I’m around,” Balthazar said. “Available.”

Dean had his eyes closed as he finished the chorus for the second time, but as the next words came out of his mouth, he looked directly at Cas.

 

_ Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts _

_ Risking it all, though it’s hard _

 

_ Cause all of me, loves all of you _

_ All your curves and all your edges _

_ All your perfect imperfections _

_ Give your all to me, I’ll give my all to you _

_ You’re my end and my beginning _

_ Even when I lose I’m winning _

_ Cause I give you all of me _

_ And you give me all of you _

 

The piano continued to close out the song, and Cas’s heart seemed to thump in time. Dean didn’t look away from him until the last chord rolled across the strings of the piano and the attendees politely clapped. 

Dean stepped back from the mic and the MC took over again, more piano playing underneath. Gabe nudged Cas with his knee. “I think we’re free. I’m gonna ask Kali to dance.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “You’ll only embarrass yourself again.”

"Hey--you go take care of Dean, and I’ll go take care of Kali--capiche?”

The other members of the wedding party were already heading to the dance floor, but Cas made a beeline for Dean, who was back at Grandma Novak’s table.

“Wasn’t he fantastic, Castiel?” Grandma Novak exclaimed.

“Of course he was.” Cas smiled as Dean’s ears flamed red.

“It was nothing,” Dean started.

“Your humility is admirable, dear,” Grandma Novak said. “But unnecessary. You filled in at the last possible moment and saved Anna’s day brilliantly.”

Cas took Dean’s hand and squeezed. “I think I owe you a dance?”

“You do.” Dean grinned and allowed himself to be led onto the dance floor.

“You really were great,” Cas said once he had Dean in his arms.

“It’s a good song.”

“I didn’t realize you were a John Legend fan.”

Dean laughed. “I mean, you have to respect anyone who’s as good at what they do as he is.”

“Anyone else you listen to that I should know about? Just so I’m prepared next time.”

“I have wide and varied musical tastes.”

Cas laughed, and pulled Dean closer. They’d both been so afraid that everything would change between them that they almost didn’t take the risk.

He was so glad they did.

“I have something to tell you--” Cas started but Dean was saying something at the same time. They both laughed.

“You first,” Cas said.

Dean pressed his lips closed to form a thin trying grin. They swayed together for a few moments longer before he spoke. “I’m just wondering about what happens after this.”

“We drive home,” Cas said, as if it were that simple. He knew what Dean was getting at, but he wanted the enchantment of the lights and music and new relationship endorphins to last longer than this. But Dean was a practical point-A-to-point-B kind of guy. Of course he would ask this now.

“After that.” Dean looked somewhere past him as he spoke. “I mean, I’ll be busy and I know you are too. Plus you promised to keep an eye on Sam and you’re putting the roof over his head while I can’t. So I figure if we try for once a month in person, maybe that would work.”

“I need to see you more than that.” Cas squeezed his hand and Dean looked him in the eye.

“I can’t ask you to commit to flying out more than that. I’ll come your way at Christmas and spring break if I can swing it.”

“Dean,” Cas said, and Dean dropped his gaze again.

“Don’t make me say it, man.”

“Say what?”

Dean rolled his eyes and shifted, putting space between them. “I’m not after your money, okay?” I know you can afford to fly whatever whenever, but I can’t and it’s just the state of things.”

“I know a lot of gold diggers.” Cas pulled him back, and Dean tensed. “If you’re a gold digger, you’re one of the most committed gold diggers I know. I mean, nine years of groundwork!”

Dean laughed his full laugh--the one where he threw his head back and his whole body shook--and a few of the older couples around them sent annoyed glances their way. Cas didn’t care.

“I’m all in,” Cas said more seriously. “And I’ll visit my boyfriend as much as I want.”

“Cas--” Dean shook his head.

“It’s not about the money, Dean.”

Dean didn’t say anything, but he didn’t pull away, so Cas considered it progress.

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” Anna said. She was just as radiant up close as she'd been from a distance. “Can I steal my brother for a minute?”

“Of course,” Dean said. He released Cas, fingers grazing down his body until he had to let Cas go.

Cas smiled. “Grab a drink and then I’ll get you back out here.” He watched Dean go, even as he took his sister in his arms to dance.

Anna laughed. “That’s some heavy commitment to the whole fake boyfriend thing.”

“Not fake,” Cas said. “Not anymore at least.”

Anna’s eyes widened. “When did this happen?”

“Just--yesterday. There was a whole embarrassing drunk kiss after the bachelor party that was completely my fault, but we talked and we’re together now. And--I don’t know. It’s big.”

“It’s about time,” Anna said. “This opportunity has been staring you in the face for a long time.”

Cas spotted Dean over by the bar, tumbler in hand. Someone Cas didn’t know was talking to him, and Dean nodded along as if he were always at these types of affairs.

“I should have seen it sooner,” Cas agreed. “He was right there, but I was too in my head about Balthazar to notice.”

“At least you’re together now. And Grandma Novak told me she made you an offer. Are you going to come work for me?”

“Yes. It will give me the freedom to see Dean a lot more. I can get a place near him and maybe stay at the house when I’m in town.”

Anna laughed. “Really? You’d stay with Mother?”

“She seems to be okay with Dean.”

“I wouldn’t trust it, Cas. She isn’t okay with anything that isn’t her idea.”

“I can get an apartment,” he suggested. “Or maybe beg my sister for a spare room.”

“We’re newlyweds now, Cas. You might not want to be around us for awhile.”

Cas laughed. “That’s right--keep your love cooties to yourself.”

Anna motioned with her head. “So did they get along okay on the bachelor outing?”

Cas looked over to where Dean was talking to Balthazar. Everyone seemed chill--just a normal conversation between his ex and his new boyfriend. “Yeah, fine. I mean, you know Balthazar--he got his jabs in.”

“I’m glad you’re coming to work with me, Cas. I haven’t seen you enough the last couple years. Not that I blame you for staying away,” Anna said. “I just thought we’d stay closer after college.”

Cas smiled. “Well now you’ll have to put up with my face all the time.”

“And Gabe.”

“And Gabe,” he laughed. “Have fun reining him in.”

Michael eased through the other dancers behind Anna. “Sorry, Cas, but I need Anna to meet a few people.”

“Of course,” Cas said. He hugged his sister. He was doing the right thing. Moving, working with Anna--it would only give him more flexibility to spend his free time with Dean.

Dean was still back by the bar nursing his drink, handsome in the classic black suit they’d picked out together. Maybe they could sneak out early and head back to the house. 

Cas smiled wide as he walked back, but Dean didn’t meet his eye. 

“You want to finish that dance?” Cas asked.

“I don’t think so,” Dean muttered.

“We don’t have to.” Cas tried not to let his confusion show on his face. “I’m just as happy back here with you.”

“With me. Right.” Dean took a sip of his drink and clutched his glass like he’d crush it in his fist if he could.

“Did something happen?” Cas asked. He remembered Balthazar seemingly chatting politely with Dean just a minute earlier and his stomach dropped. “Dean?”

“Are you moving back here?” Dean asked, eyes lowered.

The question sent Cas reeling. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to tell Dean in the quiet of the bedroom, that he was doing it to make their path together easier. But Balthazar had obviously ruined that.

“Yes,” Cas said. “My grandmother offered me a position with the company, but it has to be kept quiet for now.”

“You hate this place.”

“It’s for a good reason. It gives me a lot more flexibility--”

“What about Sam? He can’t pay rent on his own anywhere. You’re just gonna leave him high and dry like that?”

“I can pay his rent.” Cas knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t pull it in before Dean spat back at him.

“I’m not asking for your goddamn money,” he hissed and started to walk away.

“Dean--” Cas caught his arm, but Dean pulled away, stalked to an exit and yanked the door open. Cas chased after him, and caught up with him down the hallway.

“Talk to me--don’t shut down,” Cas pleaded. “What the hell happened?”

Dean paced back and forth a few times before downing the last of the whiskey in his glass.

“I get why you were hiding it. I wouldn’t have known you were getting back with Balthazar until you decided you’d had enough of me to man up and end it.”

“End it? There's nothing going on with Balthazar--”

Dean whipped around on Cas, his face so close their noses almost touched. “You tried to get back with him the same fucking night you kissed me. I’m not going to be some goddamn replacement because he won’t take you back.”

“I didn’t try to-- I don’t want to be with Balthazar!”

“Then why’d you kiss him?” Dean yelled. 

Cas tried to breathe, to unfluster himself, but everything went bad so fast and he didn’t know how to fix it.  “Dean, after that kiss I knew I was over him and only wanted to be with you.”

Dean backed away. “Isn’t that fucking great. Just what everyone wants to hear from the guy they love.”

“Dean, please.” Cas started after him, but Dean put up a hand.

“No. I’m walking away right now and you’re gonna let me.”

“Let’s talk about this,” Cas pleaded again.

Dean raised his middle finger and turned around, arm held high as he kept walking.

Cas slowed and watched his boyfriend--his best friend--go until he turned the corner. His heart thudded hard in his ears, and he turned, stumbling back to the reception. In there the music was upbeat, but Cas couldn’t hear it. He searched around, visually sorting everyone into two categories: Balthazar, and not Balthazar.

He found Balthazar standing in a circle with friends, a drink in his hand.

“You lied to him!” Cas said.

“I didn’t need to,” Balthazar said. “A little doubt goes a long way.”

Cas started to shake, his heart still racing, the  _ thud thud thud _ roaring in his ears. He had to fix everything--he couldn’t let Dean go like this. “You’re such an asshole,” he hissed.

“As if I ever hid that from you.” Balthazar laughed. “Honestly, if your boy could be chased off by something that small, he doesn’t deserve you.”

All the heat that had been building in Cas flooded him, and before he could stop himself he punched Balthazar in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again you come back to read, and I'm so thankful. Thanks especially for your patience with the way my health interferes with my writing. You are the best.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr @tellthenight


End file.
